


Heart at War (revamped)

by At_the_moment, motherxhyena



Category: Septiplier - Fandom
Genre: M/M, revamp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-01 10:53:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 40,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12703554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/At_the_moment/pseuds/At_the_moment, https://archiveofourown.org/users/motherxhyena/pseuds/motherxhyena
Summary: What happens when the man you have literally given up everything for, changes?After leaving his life back home in Ireland Sean moves across the pond to live with his boyfriend, Mark.Things are going good until he has gone completely MIA for 2 night.When he comes home Mark smells of booze and is very distant. Sean pushes it off as him just being tired and he slept at a friends house due to drinking; but as this strange behavior continues, Sean feel that it's due to the worst.Follow along to see what happens and how things will turn out in the end.This is a revamp of my original Heart at War Fan-Fiction.*FLASHBACKS* Will be marked by either *FB_**FBB* *FLASHBACK BEGINNING**FBE* *FLASHBACK END*





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Restricted Work] by [motherxhyena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/motherxhyena/pseuds/motherxhyena). Log in to view. 



> NON-CON / RAPE  
> 18+ STORY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are a few mistakes throughout the chapter, please forgive me for those ill update them another day

'Yet again, it was another late that Mark was out into the wee hours. Nothing new with him.....'  
I glanced down at the clock that was at the bottom right-had side of the screen before closing out of the recording apps and logging out.  
I had tried to get at least a single video recorded today, but my mind was plagued by so much I couldn't concentrate enough.  
All  was able to think about was the conversation that me and Signe had earlier; maybe it was time that I accept the fact that Mark is no longer in love with me.  
This was a hard reality to swallow, but the only other option I had was to sit around and put up with it; either way it wasn't going to be easy.  
Scooting myself out from the desk, I got up, pushed the chair in, and left the room.  
Shortly after reaching the living room, the front door flung open, scaring me in the process; quickly turning around to see who or what it was, I sighed and shook my head once I saw that it was only Mark.  
"Hey." his tone was flat, and unfazed as he passed on through to the kitchen.  
I was struck with a sudden weight of dread, almost paralyzed by it; this isn't something that I wanted to do, but  
I had to start thinking about myself, and my sanity.  
Staying in this continuous loop was killing me; dealing with it for damn near a year had taken its toll on me, and I just can't take it anymore.  
"Mark, this isn't working out anymore. I can't stand by you and allow you to continue hurting me as you have. I'm moving back home. To Ireland." I can't believe I actually went through with it, my heart was pounding so fast, I was so scared, and was on the verge of crying, but I couldn't let him see my weakness.  
Mark froze in place as the words left my mouth.  
"I'll be spending the rest of my time in the other bedroom. I'll start packing my stuff tomorrow." I crossed my arms trying to stay strong.  
"So......so it's over just like that? Like it's nothing? After everything I've done for you........." Mark's hands gripped the marble countertops as his face turned even more red, his voice cracked, almost as if he had started to get choked up.  
"Mark, I have spent so much time trying to talk to you about how our relationship is, and, and how you make me feel, but you never pay attention, all you do is tell me that your going to change, that your going to be a better boyfriend, a better this, a better that, but you've shown me nothing. No change, no improvement, not even any effort to keep me. I don't have anymore fight in me."  
"But, I thought you loved me Sean?"  
"I did at one time. But once the late nights started and you pushing me away began, the person that I was in love with began to fade away, and he became someone I don't even know who he is." I didn't say anymore, didn't really care to honestly, turning around I headed to the bedroom, dropping my head down low, I felt empty.  
Grabbing out some pajamas, I knew that my heart was at full on war with the decision that I just made, but I was doing it out of good intentions.  
"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME SEAN!!" Mark yelled from the kitchen as he stomped his way back to the bedroom.  
"You can't just leave me like this!" His toned body loomed in the doorway.  
"You can't stop me Mark. I have already made my decision." I shut the drawers, I turned towards the bathroom, my back turned towards mark, I just hopped that this wasn't going to last long.  
As I entered the bathroom, I figured Mark had just went to lay down, I began to strip of my clothes; just as my shirt hit the floor, I felt Mark's hand clasp onto my hip, followed by a gently squeeze, I knew what he was trying to get at, but I wasn't going to allow it.  
"Mark. Stop."  
"Why? Don't you miss me?" he bent down, lightly kissing me along my neck, up towards my ear.  
"Mark, Please stop." I said pulling my head the other way, stopping him from reaching my ear.  
"Baby, please, just met me show you that I've changed.." his sultry voice deeply violated my ear, he pulled me flush to his body, kissing on my neck once again, this time getting to the sweet spot behind my ear getting me weak in the knees.  
"Please.........Mark......" I cried out, my mind and body internally fought for what they both wanted; the way he kissed the back of my ear made my body want him to fuck my brains out, but my mind and heart were broken, because I know where he just came from.  
"Please what?" his deep voice had rendered me completely useless, I couldn't answer him, my body had more control over me then I could have ever imagined.  
When I didn't answer him, he knew that he was in complete control, I couldn't stop what was bound to happen.  
Reaching down, Mark quickly made his way with my belt and jeans, dropping them down around my ankles before reaching up into the bathroom cabinet and grabbing out our favorite lube; he made way with his clothes stripping them in what seemed to be a blink of an eye.  
He pushed my top half down onto the cold marble sink, as he spread my legs with his, he  popped the lid to the lube, and lobbed some on his middle and ring fingers.  
Dropping his hand down to my ass, Mark slowly ran his lubed fingers around my entrance before he gently eased himself in me, slowly stretching me, getting me ready for his cock.  
"Tell daddy how much you've missed me inside you." he demanded as he slowly began to pump his fingers in and out, causing me to let out a slight moan.  
Immediately after moaning, Mark took his other had and gave me a quick hard slap, making me whimper along side the moans.  
"Mar.............." this wasn't right, I didn't want this, I wanted him to stop.  
I attempted to stand, but was slammed back down onto the sink, smacking my face down onto the countertop.  
"You're not going anywhere, I'm far from done with you." Mark said aggressively as he pulled his fingers out and slammed his cock right inside me.  
I screamed out in pain as my eyes filled, and flowed with tears, "Stop, please, I dont want this." I whimpered out the best I could, but Mark was completely unfazed.  
As he continued on, Mark grabbed my hips so tightly i could feel his nails digging in and braking the skin, He begun thrusting so violently, I knew the end was near, but I was fading in and out of consciousness.  
I could faintly hear Mark moaning louder and louder as he came deep inside me; pulling out, he grabbed a wet wipe, cleaned himself off before leaving the bathroom.  
Taking every bit of strength I had, I held myself up on the sink until my legs regained a bit of strength.  
After some time passed, I managed to step my feet out of my pants before heading to the bathroom door, shutting and locking it before heading to the shower.  
I turned the water as hot as it would go, stood under the scalding water for a few moments before I lowered myself down on the tile, and laid in the fetal position.  
'What did I do to deserve this?' I laid there and wept until I passed out.  
I awoke in the bed an unknowing time later, my body seized up in so much pain, I dare not move.  
'How did I end up in the bed? I fell asleep in the bathroom.' I opened my eyes the best as I could, and fought against the suns rays to keep them as open as I could; my vision was pretty impaired from what im going to guess all the crying I did last night, but I could make out the bathroom door, and it looked like it had been kicked open.  
Closing my eyes, I pep talked myself to try and sit up, all I wanted to do at this point was to get away from Mark, I whimpered as I tried sitting up, stoping as I felt his gloomy presences enter the room.  
As Mark eased his way over to me, I began to hyperventilate, reliving last night over and over in my head.  
"Sean," he said as he wept,"I am so sorry. I became a monster last night. I don't know what got into me." Mark fell down hard onto his knees next to the bed, laying his head on the bed right next to me.  
"I didn't want it to be true. It ripped my heart out of my chest, and I wanted it, wanted you back. I snapped and wasn't able to control myself. When you were over that bathroom sink, I knew that you couldn't leave me if i had you like that. But I-I never expected that I would do that."  
"You couldn't take the fact that I turned you down last night, and you wanted what you wanted, and you took it from me. YOU RAPED ME MARK!" I choked out behind the tears.  
"I'm sorry. I didn't want too." Mark reached his hand towards mine.  
Ripping my hand away from him, "Don't you dare touch me. Nothing you can say can fix this. What you did to me was the end of this." my eye filled with tears, I started getting choked up, but I didn't dare let Mark see it.


	2. 2

After a few moments Mark stood up, his head hanging low, he turned and left the room; the front door slammed shut, and then his car screeched away.  
The tears poured out, I was no longer able to hold them back, as I reached for my phone I wiped the tears so I was able to see to call Signe.

"Hello?" her groggy voice answered.

"S-S-Signe." I said behind the tears.

"Sean, what's wrong? Are you crying? What happened?" her once sleepy voice was wide away by now, and she was extremely alert.

"Last night.......... Th-things hap-happened." I coughed out.

"Oh my god, Sean, please tell me what happened. What did Mark do?"

"He got home, I told him that I couldn't take it anymore, that we were over......... He couldn't handle it.... He snapped.......... He........He......." I lost control, and began to sob violently, so much so I could hardly breathe.

"Sean, what did he do to you. Please try and calm down and tell me." Her tone was panicked , but yet also concerned.

I couldn't calm down, and I just couldn't bring to spit out the words; I hung up abruptly on her, and quickly began to text her, I knew I'd be able to say it that way.

Sean:[I tried telling him that it was over, that I was going back home, he couldn't handle it, he snapped. Refused to take no for an answer. Pinned me to the bathroom sink after slamming me down onto it and raped me. I made it to the shower after it happened, but ended up passing out on the floor. I woke up to him sobbing besides the bed, saying that he was sorry. Told him there was nothing he could do to fix this and I couldn't forgive him for his doings, and he left screeching away in his car. What did I ever do to him to deserve this from him? I have stuck by him for a year during all the cheating and this is how I'm repaid when I end it????]   
I hesitated for a while, scared to send it, but I couldn't just leave her clueless, quickly hitting the send button, I painfully made my way out of bed, and began grabbing out all my clothes out of the drawers and closet, tossing them messily onto the foot of them bed.

I grabbed out a few random pieces of clothing out of the pile and put them on as quickly as possible before heading to the spare room, grabbing my suitcase, I carelessly shoved everything in there, not caring how messy they were going to be, I just wanted out.

Within half hour I had all major necessities packed and ready to go; I threw on my hoodie, slipped on my shoes, grabbed my phone, suitcase, and wallet.

I called for a lyft to the airport, and headed out the front door, not caring to lock it behind me or not, I just wanted out.

As I stood at the end of the block and waited for my ride my phone dinged with a message.

wii:[Sean, I am so sorry for what you've endured, for what he's done to you. You don't deserve any of it. He's a fucking monster.]

I quickly replied: [I ended up packing most of my important things after last messaging you, and am currently waiting for a lyft at the corner. I'll let you know when I arrive at the airport.]

Wii:[Please do Sean, I'll be waiting.

Shoving my phone into my hoodies pocked I stood there, alone, afraid, and ashamed; I never thought a day in my life would I ever have to endure something like I did from a man that I loved, and whom I thought loved me.

I left everything to come and be with him, and now I have nothing because of him now as well.

A white Nissan Centra pulled up in front of me, and the driver rolled down the passenger side window, "Are you the one that called for a Lyft?" he asked as he was leaned over the passenger side seat.

"Yeah." I forced out as loud as I could.

"Would you like to put your stuff in the trunk?" he asked from the same position.

"Sure." I mumbled out before he popped the trunk allowing me to place my suitcase in, then shutting it and sitting in the back seat and buckled up.

"Where would you like to go sir?" the driver asked as he turned towards me.

"Los Angeles Airport Please." I said as I looked up from buckling my seat belt, seeing he had been staring at my face with a questionable look.

Throwing my hood on, I pulled it a little closed, leaned back into the seat, and dropped my chin to my chest.

"Sure thing." he put on the meeter and drove away.  
Mark's house quickly began to fade away, hidden away behind trees and other houses, even though I was away from it, I still felt shameful of myself.

After sitting there for some time in silence I pulled out my phone, going into my photos, I was immediately faced with millions of pictures of Mark and I together, I tapped on and held onto the first picture, selecting it I started the tedious process of selecting every single picture I had taken of us together, and some pictures I snook and took of Mark; some where he was asleep, and some when he had been recording.

After selecting them, I hovered over the trashcan for a moment before hitting it.

*DELETING 1,102 PHOTOS, PLEASE WAIT.......*

I felt like I was erasing a part of my very exsistance in that moment, almost as if i was completely erasing those moments from history completely; I watched as each picture was wiped out of my camera roll, and out of history, making it completely empty once finished.

"Alright sir, we are at your destination. It'll be $22.69."

I reached into my wallet and grabbed out a $20 and a $10, passing it to the driver, I told him to keep the change before getting out, and grabbing my suitcase out of the trunk before he pulled off.

Lifing the handle of my suitcase I headed towards the building.

I quickly purchased a available ticket, and headed to the waiting area, no doubt I gained quite a few eyes as I walked through the area; I quickly spotted a little secluded area that was perfect to sit and get away from all the eyes, while still being able to see the plains.

I pulled out my phone and gave Signe a quick text letting her know that I was at the airport, had already got my ticket, and gave her the time I'd be arriving in Dublin.  

Leaning against the large piller, I sat with my knees to my chest, anxiously waiting for the plain to arrive, my nerves and anxiety were through the roof while my body begun to go haywire now that the adrenaline had subsided.

My mind was racing a million miles an hour, but it was as silent as a freshly snowed in city, a million questions were running around but with no where to go; all I could really do is stare out the window and watch for the plain.

*****

As night approached, it was time for my flight, I followed the long hallway towards the plain, my phone began to ring; reaching down into my pocket, I saw who it was.

*Markimoo* 

My heart begun to race seeing his picture show up on my phone's screen, a small part of my wanted to answer just to see what he had to say, just to hear his voice; I wanted this all to be a bad dream, and I'd wake up t him gently stroking my back telling me that everything was going to be ok.

But the majority of me no longer cared about him, frankly, at this moment, I didn't care if he ended up missing, lying in a ditch somewhere, it's what my heart felt like he deserved; nothing was the same anymore, nothing was going to be alright, and I was internally unravelling.

Placing my finger on the reject call, I slid it to the left sending him straight to voicemail, before turning my phone off, I continued on to the plain, straight to economy, I found my seat quickly.

Sitting down, I buckled up, got as comfortable as I could, and closed my eyes.

Maybe I could catch up on some sleep during these next 10 and a half hour flight that I was going to be on.

I drifted off here and there during the flight, but everytime the turbulence happened, it would startle me awake,   
I gave up on sleeping after a while, and just ended up watching the shotty b-rated movie they were had been playing. It was able to get me to escape for a while and forget everything.

I hated traveling via airplanes, they always made me a bag of nerves, and that's honestly the last thing that I wanted. 'Fuck, I feel so horrible having to imped on Signe like this, while having to deal with my wreaked nerves on top of this isn't going to make things any better.' I stared out the window and zoned out for a while, ignoring the knots forming in my stomach; I now faced the undeniable truth that this was the start of a whole new chapter in my life, that I would have never guessed was the result of Mark's erratic behaviour.


	3. Chapter 3

Before I knew it we were unloading from the plane; taking a deep breath in, it felt good to breathe in the familiar, comforting, fresh Irish air.

It felt so good to be back on homeland, it's been so long, I kind of felt out of place, like a foreigner, yet, this was my home country.

I'm so glad that I told Signe knew what time we'd be landing, I honestly didn't care to turn on my phone, I just wanted to be shut off from the world for a while, and just be in good company with a great friend.

I followed along the crowd of people out of the tareminex, and headed over to baggage claim, watching for my suitcase to come by.

I almost felt as if I was in a daze, I was so exhausted from the lack of sleep, on top of just pure exhaustion; maybe now that I'm somewhere comfortable, and where I'm wanted I'll actually be able to get some well deserved rest.

I grabbed my suitcase as soon as it came within my reach, and then headed for the Starbucks.

I couldn't shake the feeling that I had a ton of people staring at me, no doubt because of the bruise on my cheek.

Pulling on the strings as much as I could, I covered my face as much as I could while still being able to see.

Walking a little faster, I approached the Starbucks, and I spotted Signe standing outside the store front, after a moment, she looked up, saw me and started to head towards me.

Letting go of my suitcase, we quickly embraced each other  as tightly as we could, even though she was my best friend it felt good to have loving arms embrace me once again; and it was nice to have her support in this horrible time.

"I'm so glad to see you again Sean!" Signe said as she pulled out of the hug, her eyes stopping at the end of the bruise that stuck out from the edge of my hoodie, she then quickly looked down and tucked her hair behind her left ear.

"I'm really happy to see you again too. And I'm just glad that it doesn't hurt as bad as it did yesterday." I sheepishly said as I placed my fingers on my cheek.

We stood there in a little bit of awkward silence before Signe broke silence, "Lets get you back to the house, so you can relax and rest your mind." she flashed a smile and nodded her head towards the main street.

Nodding my head back at her, I grabbed my suitcase handle and headed off.

**

As we walked up the stairs to her apartment, she stopped at the top, "Just a bit of a forewarning, it's not the biggest, nor the best and it's quite small. 

I will work on clearing the other room in the next few days so that way you can have your own space, or sanctuary, whichever you like to call it. But for now, you can just crash on the hide-a-bed that's in the living room."

"I honestly dont know how I'll ever be able to pay you back, I am just eternally grateful that your kind enough to allow me to come here. I have no place to complain about anything."

After giving me a quick tour of the house, she went into her closet and got me out a fitted sheet, flat sheet and a blanket for me to use on the hide-a-bed, as well as showed me how to pull it out and put it back in. 

"Go ahead and make yourself comfortable Sean,I'm going to make a quick run to the shoppe. Will you be alright?" her tone was so sincere, I could tell that she truly cared for me.

"Yeah, I'm going to probably just make the bed and chill." I shamefully admitted while rubbing the back of my head.

"Alright, I'll be back in a little bit." Signe left shortly there after, leaving me alone in her apartment.  
Pulling out the hide-a-bed from the couch, I hassled putting the fitted sheet on, then I swiftly put the flat and comforter on.

'I really want to shower. Wash myself of the last few days. But shite, I didn't bring none of my wash with me. I'm sure she wont mind me using some of her stuff, I just need to wash. She did show me where everything was, so I dont think she'll mind.'

Standing there, I debated for a few if I should or not, but finally chose to just go ahead and take a quick one.

Laying my suitcase down flat on the floor next to the couch, I opened it, and grabbed out a a pair of boxers, pajama pants and a random shirt before heading into the bathroom.

Stepping out of the bathroom, I took a deep, relaxing breath in, It was nice that she had some 'fresh rain' smelling stuff, that way I didn't smell too feminine; I got dressed, headed out to the living room, laid flat on my tummy, and closed my eyes.  
I felt completely at ease at this moment, for the first time in quite some time, and it felt.......... nice.


	4. 4

**_*FBB*Mark and I had known each other for well over a year now, I had already really liked him, but I bit my tongue about it, because I wasn't exactly sure how he would react if I told him that I liked him._ **

**_This kinda did have a bit of an effect on our recording sessions though, at times it was hard to focus on the actual gameplay, I couldn't focus on anything other than his voice._ **

**_But I'll never forget that day._ **

**_We hadn't had any co-op games planned to play together, so it was a little odd for Mark to ask me to play one with him._**  
**_I had a hard time with the game, and was beginning to get frustrated._**  
**_"Fuck me!" I blurted out in frustration._**

**_I could faintly hear Mark say something in response, but I wasn't sure what he said._ **

**_"What did you say?" I asked out of curiosity._ **

**_He stayed quiet for a moment before responding, "I said, I'd like too." His face was as straight has he could be._ **

**_"I'm sorry, but you were static. What did you say again?" I just couldn't believe what I heard, I had to hear it again to make sure I wasn't dreaming."_ **

**_Without repeating himself, he picked up his phone and stared down at it for a few, when his head popped up, my phone dinged, and he had a devious smile on him._ **

**_Opening up my phone, I went to my messages and read what had been sent to me._ **

**_~Mark: I'm pretty sure you heard me the first time I said it, but I'll pleasure you and tell you again. I said, 'I'd like too, to your "fuck me" comment."~_ **

**_My cheeks became really hot, while a smile formed from ear to ear; not going to lie, I got a image in my head that made me pretty fucking hard._ **

**_Setting my phone down on the desk next to my keyboard, I tried to adjust myself_ ** **_discretely_ ** **_, but I had obviously failed._ **

**_"Look, I have to be honest with you Sean. I've been hella attracted to you the last few months, but I just never could tell you, because I was never sure how to approach you about it. I was always afraid that you'd reject me, or that you weren't, yo-you know...... interested." Mark struggled with his words, but there was something about it that I did find kind of adorable._ **

**_"Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels the same." I flashed a big smile._ **

**_"Since we've taken care of the elephant in the room, I, uhh, I was curious if you wanted to possible come out here, hang for a little while, maybe chat. About thing_ ** _**s** _ _**, and do yo- PAX!!!!!** _

**_In the back of my head I knew that sex was most definately going to happen between us while I visited, there was almost no doubt about that, but I wouldn't mind either way._ **

***********

**_*I was going to America for the first time ever. It was the first time that I got to go to a PAX event as well, I was so excited to go, I was nervous too, I wasnt sure how these event were, but I was going with Mark, so I knew that things were going to be all good._ **

**_The plane had landed and everyone was getting off the plane; I had gotten a text while I was walking down the stairs, digging in my pocket, I grabbed my phone, turned it on and went into my messages._ **

**_~No doubt your plane has arrived already, please forgive me but I'm going to be late. Got stuck on the freeway. be there ASAP.~_ **

**_Mark always mentioned how hellish Los Angeles traffic was, I guess I'm going to get a first hand experience of it today._ **

**_'Not sure how I feel about that........'_ **

**_As I waited for Mark to arrive, I paced around the lounge the majority of the time, stopping only a few times to take pictures with a couple of a fans, and give them a autograph, then I continued to pace around more_ ** _**.** _

**_As time passed I began to get butterflies in my stomach; my mind getting lost in a daydream; I couldn't help but to admit I had a very strong admiration for Mark, even to go as far to say that I_ ** **_kinda really_ ** **_liked_ ** **_him._ **

**_His whole hearted laugh, his stunning smile, his smooth chocolate eyes......_ **

**_Within moments I had bumped into someone without realizing it, loosing my footing I feel straight onto my arse._ **

**_"Maybe the fast pace of LA is already too much for our Irish bean." his velvety voice chimed in, giving a laugh at the end, Mark stuck out his hand and helped me get back to my feet._ **

**_"What are the chances that I would have_ ** **_RAN_ ** **_into you here." I said as I grabbed his hand and stood up with his help._ **

**_"Careful there Bean, I don't want you to_ ** **_CRASH_ ** **_and burn before you've gotten the chance to see what there is to offer here." He said with a wink before turning around and walking away._ **

**_Jogging to catch up to him, "Well, I had to leave my_ ** **_MARK_ ** **_somehow. Given it wasn't as graceful as I wanted it to be, but I did it non-the-less."_ **

_**I could hear Mark chuckle before opening the car door and sitting down before he popped the trunk open**_.

_**I watched out the passenger window, just taking in the entire sceanery as Mark drove to his house.** _

**_After we had arrived,_ ** **_Mark had given me a tour of his house, showing me where everything was; I mean LITERALLY everything was, "Go ahead and get comfortable, set your stuff in the room, and just do your own thing for a bit. I've gotta finish up real quick, so make yourself at home."_ **

**_I went ahead and put my stuff in his guest room, before coming back out to the living room, and turning on his tv; flipping though the channels on the TV, I found nothing of intrest so I turned it to a random channel and left it to play whatever was on that particular channel._ **

**_It wasn't much longer before Mark came back down the stairs, "Shit, I should have put Netflix's on for you before I went upstairs, let me go ahead and do that real quick. That way your not watching whatever the hell this is."_ **

**_Grabbing the tv remote, he brought up netflix within a few seconds, and put on something that I could guarantee neither one of us would make it though; but that was most likely his plan._ **

**_**_ **

**Placing his had upon my cheek, he began to go in for in for a kiss; my heart beats became faster as Mark's face approached mine, I didn't know for sure what the imminent future held for us, but at this very moment, I didn't care.**  
**All the worries I had about him, disappeared, I felt like all the times that I struggled to not let anything slip, all the difficult times, all made this very moment completely worth it.**  
**My mine had gotten lost somewhere in between the twists, turns and tangles of our tongues, and was disappearing as our bodies heated from the anticipating of what was going to happen tonight.**

 **After what seemed like a blissful eternity, Mark broke from the kiss,** **genitally** **biting my lip as he pulled away, "Your lips are even softer than I could ever imagine."**  
**Sliding his hand** **down my face, his fingers dripped down my neck to my chest, and down around to my hips; pulling my body close to his, Mark went in for another kiss.**  
**Only this time, instead of it being my lips, it was my neck he made love with; his mouth clasped over a small area of my neck** **, as he found my neck with his mouth, he began to gently nibble on it, gaining a bit of a moan out of me, he took this as a sign that I was enjoying what he was doing; granted I fucking was, and began nibbling harder.**  
**As Mark continued to attack my neck, my breathing became  erratic, due to the fact that I was hard as a rock, and turned on; the only thing I could think about was what he would feel like inside me.**  
**Breaking from the lock he had on my neck, he ripped his shirt off over his head, carelessly tossing it on the floor somewhere in his room, and made way with his pants, kicking them off in some random direction, leaving just his boxer briefs on, with a surprisingly large** **bulge** **inside them.**  
**I shyly made my way with my shirt, dropping it on the floor generally close to where I was standing before I began to make my way with my belt.**  
**"Wait." Mark hushed out, stopping me dead in my tracks.**  
**"May I?" he asked as he looked down to my belt.**  
**"Yes." within seconds Mark's hands were on my belt, unbuckling it, he let it hang loose, before grabbing my pants, he looked me dead in the eyes and said, "If there's ever a moment you feel at all uncomfortable, even if it's just even the slightest bit, let me know, and we can stop. I don't want you to think that you HAVE to do this, because you don't. Just say wait."**  
**Nodding my head I let him know that I completely understood what he was saying, and if I did feel like that I would speak up.**  
**Mark continued with my pants, sticking his fingers in the waistband, he unbuttoned my pants, then made way with my zipper, as Mark pulled down my pants, he took my boxers along with them, as I stepped out of them he set them along my shirt, and at his very moment, in my complete nudity, I felt the sense of both** **vulnerability** **that made me want to cover myself with my hands, yet a sense of complete confidence as well, which is why I stood there as I was.**  
**Mark eyed me up and down, taking in every inch into his mind, he smiled with a certain hunger, one that I've never seen, yet he had the patience of a saint and knew that his reward would come later on.**

******

**As my head rested on Mark's bare chest, I listened to his heart beat become normal paced after our session, oddly enough, it made me relaxed enough to fall asleep too.*FBE***

I woke up to an unfamiliar surrounding, in an unknown location; I couldn't help but begin to freak out.  
"Sean, is everything alright?"

'Was I dreaming? Why was Signe here?'  
"Sean?" I felt a hand slightly rest on my shoulder, then Singe' face came into my line of sight.  
"Where am I?" asking out of confusion.  
"You honestly don't know where you are?"  
"I don't."  
"Your back in Ireland, in my apartment. You arrived super early yesterday morning." Signe said as she sat next to me.  
"I did?........ I did. I guess I've been running on nothing lately I fell like my brain hasn't retained much of whats happened the last few days. Sorry if I woke you." I rubbed the back of my head shamefully.  
"Oh you didn't wake me, I've been up for a while. I heard some stirring in here and I  decided to come check on you."  
"What time is it?"  
"It's about 7:30am."  
'Fuck.' I thought to myself as I plopped back down onto my back, "Did I just sleep for a full 24 hours?"  
"Pretty much," Signe said as she stood up off the couch, "you most likely needed it."  
I laid there my mind blank, I felt utterly exhausted, and I had just woken up.  
"This is going to be a hell of a day........"


	5. 5

**_*_**  
**_I watched mark on my computer screen, he laid upon his bed, covers rested upon his near naked body, and his face light up from the light of his screen_**  
**_"I would love it if you came and lived with me in America. It's all up to you. I.....I just wish I was able to kiss your lips as I pleased, to hold your hand as we watch movies, and fall asleep with you in my arms your body pressed against mine every night._**  
**_Doing these things over Skype, it just doesn't_** ** _fulfill_** ** _that craving that I have for you. I honestly hate that I can't. I fucking miss you Sean." I could see Mark fighting back the tears, but_** ** _ultimately_** ** _let them fall as he began sobbing_** _ **, his phone falling back down onto the bed.**_  
_**Faintly I could see his hands clasp over his face for a few breif moments.**_  
**_'Fuck, I can't even comfort him right now, Mark needs me and I'm not there.....'_**  
**_"I miss you too Mark, I hate the distance as much as you do. I hate that I can't be there for you and comfort you, I fucking hate it.." I hastily wiped the few tears that formed in my eyes; my heart was breaking seeing Mark like this, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to change it._**  
**_Without a word the skype call ended; "Is he upset with me?" I had a tone of questions going though my head now, and I just hopped that it_** ** _wasn't_** ** _me._**

**_**_ **

W ** _aking up to my phone going off, I picked_** ** _i_** ** _t_** ** _up and looked at the screen; seeing that it was Mark I quickly read his messages:_**  
**_M~ Please don't think it was anything that you did that made me end the call so abruptly, it had nothing to do with you I swear._**  
**_I was just so upset that all I wanted to, all I cared to do was sleep._**  
**_This shit is so hard Sean, I've never dealt with this major of a distance before._**  
**_It's literally driving me crazy._**  
**_And I don't know how to handle it._**  
**_I just want you, I fucking crave you. I need you_** ** _like I need air to live._**  
**_You make everything feel ok, feel right, and it's hard when I dont have that with me._**  
**_I feel like I'm incomplete without you_**  
**_Don't take this as me trying to con you into moving here, because I don't want you to do something if you are not 100% about it, or even if you have any doubts. I could never forgive myself if I made you do something that you did not want to do, I'd feel like a complete monster making you do something you werent whole-heartedly set on._**  
**_I know that your sleeping during these messages, and I know you'll wake up to them, Please know that I love you and want to make you as happy as I can, I love you more than anything, you give me true happiness, and I'm so blessed that I am lucky enough to call you mine._**  
**_XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX_** _ *****_

After I got up and dressed I offered to go with Signe to help with the few errands she had to do, but I felt like an old man compared to her; I watched as her as she practically sprinted through each isle at the market, grabbing necessities and a few wants. I ended up loosing her a few times in the process, but not long did it take for her to find me with the trolly.  
"You didn't have to come with me Sean, You could have stayed back." Signe's fact filled with guilt, and she looked down to the floor.

"I wasn't looking forward to sleeping another 24 hours if i stayed back. Wanted to help somehow, even though I'm an old man." I jokingly hunched over placing my hands on my back intimidating an elderly person.

Signe giggled and we finished up at the market.

We headed to a few other placed before we stopped back at the apartment to put away the stuff so we could go grab a quick bite for lunch.

We had sat at the restaurants booth for quite some time after we finished and she paid the bill, catching up on all the old stuff; it completely got my mind off of the shitty things that had been happening to me for the last few months.

"I have to admit this is the most alive I've seen you since you got here, it's nice to have the old you back." Signe said looking out the window as she sipped her tea.

"I fell a lot better. Aside from feeling utterly exhausted due to the ridiculous amount of sleep I got last night." I said twiddling my thumbs together.

"Last night I was really concerned for you."

"Wh-what happened?"

Signe set her cup down onto the saucer before speaking, "I lost count how many times I heard you scream out in your sleep. It's not something I've ever heard anyone do before, specially in their sleep. It sounded like a mix between shear pain, betrayal, and something of pure fear. The only time you'd stop is if I sat with you. After a few hours of sitting with you, I was so exhausted, I ended up sleeping next to you on the couch. I couldn't leave you, I would have felt horrible."

"I-I-I don't even know what I was dreaming about to make me scream like that. I am so sorry that I kept you up."

"Don't be sorry Sean. I'm your friend, and I'm here to comfort you if you need to be, and I do it without a second beat. I care for you and I want what's best for you and I want you to be happy, so it's the least I can do for you."

"I appreciate it dearly Signe. Thank you for comforting me last night."


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning:  
> suicide  
> alcoholism  
> drunk driving
> 
> if you are easily triggered be advised there are quite a few triggers in this chapter.

**_*~_** _ **It had been a little while since I spoke with Mark, and I was anticipating talking to him tonight.**_  
_**I had sent him a text telling him to video call me**_ _ **after**_ _ **he woke up.**_

_***** _

_**I could hear the skype tone chiming in while I finished up in the bathroom; running around the corner** _ _**into** _ _**the room, I barely answered in enough time.** _

A _ **s the video came through, I was surprised by**_ _ **wh**_ ** _at_** ** _I saw._**

_**"Hey." Marks morning voice cracked through the speakers.** _

_**"Standing tall this morning aren't we?" I giggled out.** _

_**"Oh, shit, sorry babe didn't realize it was on the wrong camera." He rumbled out as he switched to is face camera.** _

_**"There's my handsome man." I cooed out.** _

_**"So what's up my love?"** _

_**I took a deep breath, and slid the papers off the desk, facing them to Mark** _ **_._ **

_**"Hang on, let me put my glasses on." Mark set the phone**_ _ **down**_ _ **as he reached for his glasses, put them on and picked the phone back up, reading**_ _ **what**_ _ **the papers had said.**_  
_**"....Sean, that's a plane ticket, and that's a moving**_ _ **receipt**_ _ **..... Are you........."**_

**_Biting my lower lip, I placed the papers back down on the desk,_ ** _**"I had 2 choices within this year. In 2 months, or at the end of the year. I hope** _ _**you'll** _ _**be ready for me in 2 months"** _

_**"** _ **_I'm fucking ready now!"_ ** **_his smile was so wide, I was surprised I was still able to the rest of his face._ **

**_"_ ** **_Apparently_ ** **_ready in more than one way." I said under my breath._ **

**_"You bet that sweet ass I am. What do you think caused that when I woke up, wasn't because I had to go to the bathroom._ ** _**"** _

_**"Is Mr.** _ _**Fishbach** _ _**having naughty dreams about me?" biting my lower lip yet again, I gave him a naughty smile.** _

_**"Mr.** _ _**McLoughlin** _ _**, are you trying to tease me?" His voice lowered ending up as a rumbling in my speakers.** _

_**"I would never tease you Mr.** _ _**Fishbach** _ _**. I mean, not unless you, wanted me too." I purred out, sliding my hand** _ _**down** _ _**towards my groin, I was definitely getting** _ _**into** _ _**this** _ _**foreplay.** _

_**"I don't appreciate my students trying to pursue me just to get a better grade Mr.** _ _**McLouglin** _ _**. But I guess I could let** _ _**this** _ _**one slide only on one condition." Mark laid back on to his pillows and bored his eyes onto me.** _

_**"What is** _ _**this** _ _**one condition, Sir?"** _

_**I could hear Mark say 'fuck' under his breath, "First I want you to strip all your clothes off."** _

**_"What if I don't want too?"_ **

**_"Then your going to have to work to get the best grade you can on your own."_ **

_**I scooted my chair back, stood up and begun to take my shirt off, as I did so, I could see Mark reach** _ _**down** _ _**,** _ _**no** _ _**doubt grabbing his erecting cock.** _

_**I tossed my shirt to the side moving onto my pants, undoing the button, then zipping my zipper** _ _**down** _ _**; I slid my thumbs** _ _**down** _ _**into** _ _**the waistband of both my jeans and boxers, siding them** _ _**down** _ _**and off me in one fellow swoop.** _

_**"Is** _ _**this** _ _**good enough, Sir?"** _

_**"I love it when you call me Sir."** _

_***** _

_**The only sounds that filled the air between us both is our moans and the sounds of our strokes.**_  
_**"I want you to cum for me baby." Mark panted out.**_

_**I sped up my stroke bringing me over the edge; oozing over my head and hand I watched as Mark brought himself over the edge, moaning out my name as he did so.** _

_**"So about that grade?" I joked about as I cleaned** _ _**myself** _ _**with some wipes.** _

_**"A++ and Your my favorite student."** _

_**"Thank you Sir." Marks face  bored onto me as soon as the word left my lips.** _

_**"You are going to be in so much fucking trouble when I see you next time."** _

_**"Are you going to give me a spanking?"** _

_**"That and so much more baby. Fuck, I hate to cut** _ _**this** _ _**off, I could stroke** _ _**myself** _ _**all fucking day to you, but I have to eat before I let off anymore loads like I just did. Can we pick** _ _**this** _ _**up later?"** _

_**"Of course we can. I love you baby and I'll chat with you later.** _

_**"I love you too."** _

_**We ended the call and I headed to the shower before getting in bed.**_  
A _ **ll I could do is laugh and giggle as I washed up, 'I'm going to start calling him Sir more often.'**_ ** _~_** ** _*_**  
**_****_**

I've been back in Ireland for almost a month, and I have yet to touch my phone. I was dreading doing so, but I knew that I had to turn it on to pay my bill.  
Reaching into my backpack, I grabbed out my phone and charger, plugged it into the wall, then into my phone before turning it on.  
As it went through the startup screen, I became anxious of the amount of notifications that were about to happen.  
setting my phone down in the coffee table, I watched as my phone intensely vibrated from one spot to another; after a few moments of stillness I picked it up and braced myself.  
No doubt I most likely had damn near 1,000 or more notifications from different apps and people, I ignored them all while I took care of the most important thing; paying my bill.  
When I was done with the automated system for my phon bill, I begun weeding through then tonnes of notification bars; I dismissed all my E-mail bars, twitter, tumblr, and missed calls bars, leaving only voice mails and texts.  
'Which one do I want to deal with first?' I debated only for a short moment, before going into my texts.

 **Mark 18 unread messages**  
**Bro 8 unread messages**  
**MOM! 10 unread messages**

"Fuck, I better call mom, shes probably worried sick over me. I just want to ease her mind first."  
I hastily rang out to my mom.  
"OH MY GOD SEAN, I'VE BEEN FOOKING  SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU! WERE HAVE YA BEEN?"

"Hi mom. A lot has happened lately, and it made me completely shut myself down. I cant talk about it right now, but I promise I'll catch you up within the next couple of days."

"Please do."

"Don't worry, I will. Ayy, can you let my brother know that I'm alright? I haven't been able to talk to him yet."

"I will do. Love you and I'll be calling ye later."

Mom and I both hung up our ends; I then started the process of reading these text messages.

I skimmed through moms and my brothers texts, feeling bad that I made them stress so much on me, but now that they know that I'm alright, it eases things up a bit.

After I double checked to make sure I didn't miss anything, I went back to my message in box, and begun the daunting task of reading messages from Mark.

1: Sean, I know you're hurt by me, and you deserve to be. I'm a fucking monster. I'm a fucking horrible human being. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve your forgiveness, I dont deserve your love. All I should ever deserve is torment for the rest of my days for what I have done and put you through.

2: I can't bare go back home. I can't bare seeing everything that you made become a part of our home. I can't take being constantly reminded of all the wrong things I've done to you, and what I did to you.

3: I can sit here and tell you sorry all I want but that could never fix thing or fix how broken I made you.

4: I had everything that I could have ever wanted for the rest of my life bing with you. You were my reason, you had became my life.

5: Sean. I haven't heard from you in over a week, I know you hate me, but i beg of you please let me know your alive.

6:I came home to shower, I've been sleeping in the van for 2 weeks now because i didn't want to bring you more pain, but you are gone and all of your stuff is too. please let me know your ok?

7: If you dont want to talk to me please let tyler or ethan know, they've done no wrong to you.

8:I haven't been able to sleep at all. I've been so fucking worried about you. The only way i sleep at night is by drinking myself into unconsciousness. please be alive.

9:sean

10:sean

11:seeean

12:im sry......

13:..........I......... I think I've drank myself into alcoholism. It's the only way that I can stop these..... these thoughts. Their my worst nightmares coming true and I dont know what to do.

14:It's hard fighting these battles anymore. I have no reason to do so. I've lost every will to live, and these demons have become my friends. they whisper the solution to my cure into this void that's been cling my name

15: i have come to accept the fact that your either dead or you want nothing to do with me.

16:I've tried to fight these guys.

17:But i cant anymore.....

18: This is my last texxt to you.I've drank a full bottle of vodka, now behind the wheel and hoping that I loose control ending my suffering. I'm sorry Sean. Always know that I loved you.

My chest began to get tight, crushing the air out of my lungs; my hands became instantly sweaty and clammy, my phone slipping right from the grip I had; Signe came out within seconds before my vision went black.


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
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> Talk of suicide  
> Severe car accidents  
> Hospitals  
> Death.  
> Medications  
> Surgeries.  
> (if i missed any i am so sorry. plz forgive?)

I had awoken to my vision being a blur, and I felt as if I was tangled in something.

I struggled to get myself out of them, but when they became tighter I began to panic.

"Sean, it's alright, it's ok. Calm down." Signe's soft voice calmed my silent internal screams.

"Wh-wh-where am I?" I spoke out between my hitched breaths

"You're in hospital. You passed out and I couldn't wake you.".

My vision had fully returned at this point and I looked to see the all of the cords I had gotten myself tied up in.

"I need my phone."

"Sean, you hit your head pretty."

"Please. I need to call tyler."

"But why?" she asked confused

"I think Mark may have killed himself."  
Signe's mouth dropped open and her eyes widened, "Are you serious?" she asked as she reached into her purse grabbing my phone out then handing it to me.

"I'll show you the texts later."

Picking up my shattered phone, I hoped that it still worked; hitting the home button, I was relieved to see that the only damage there was, was in the screen.

Hastily dialing Tyler's number, my heart raced as I hoped for an answer.

"H-Hello?" a groggy Tyler answered.

"I think Mark may have killed himself, and I dont know where his is. I'm so scared he's gone...."

"He's not dead. But he's not well either." he sounded a little more alert now and extremely somber as well.

"Tell me what's wrong with him!"

"They didn't find him until the next morning. He drove his car at at least at 90mph off the side of a mountain, ending up being a complete mangled mess sitting at the bottom of it.  
They were shocked to still find a pulse when they found him.  
They ended up having to do close up some internal bleeding in his body, and had to give him over a hundred stitches in varying locations to close up all the lacerations he had.  
He was in a medically induced coma for the first 2 weeks so his body could heal, and has since been taken off the medications, but hasn't woken up yet.  
He didn't sustain any major brain damage, which is a fucking miracle, I saw that car.  
I saw how fucked up it was.  
Mark should have been dead from that accident Sean, but it's gods work that he's not.  
They dont know if his crushed disc causing too much strain on his spinal column that's causing him to still be in the coma, or if hes completely brain dead.  
Drs have seen some weird activity and dont know quite what to think of it."

My voice was dull as I replied, "Thank you for letting me know. S-Sorry for waking you. Please keep me updated. I'll call you back later."

Sliding the phone away from my ear, I felt dead completely inside.  
I felt like I was slipping away from reality.  
All that was on my mind was making my way back to America and spending any time I could with him.  
I was hurt from what he had done, but I couldn't bare loosing him.  
"I need to go back." I flatly said.

"Go back where?" Signe asked with a confused undertone.

Letting out a heavy sigh, "I have to go back to America. I... I know he hurt me, but I would never be qable to forgive me if her were to die and I didn't at least tell him goodbye."

She stayed quite for a very long time, I wondered what was going on in her mind right now.  
"Once the Dr comes back we'll ask how long until you can get on a flight, then we'll get tickets and go. I don't want you to go alone in a time like this. I want to be there fully to support you. We'll stay for however long you want, I'll just have to have my Sister stay at the apartment to take care of things while were gone."

Reaching out, I embraced Signue as tightly as I could and begun to cry, "I am so honored to have a friend like you. Thank you."

"I love you Sean, I care a lot about you as well, and have always wanted you to have nothing but happiness. And I know how much joy and happiness you had when you were with Mark."

****

The Dr had just left the room, and all that needed to be done was to get me unhooked from the IV and give me my discharge papers.  
"Thank goodness everything checked out alright and that it was only a freaky fainting incident."

"Caused by a catrasrophic event." Signe chimed in.

"I can't stop thinking about him. It's like he's here with me in some, some crazy way. I just hope he'll be able to hang on until I can get to him."

**

I had texted Tyler as soon as I was settled back at the apartment, 'Hey Ty, can you call me as soon as you can? I would like to talk with you about somethings.'

As soon as I was getting ready to set my phone on the table, it began ringing; looking at the caller ID, I answered as soon as I saw that it was Tyler.

"Hey." I answered.

"Hey, I just got your message, what's up?" tyler said almost eagerly from the other side.

"I'm planning on coming back next week to stay with Mark for a while, and was wondering if you'll be able to pike me and Signe up from the airport. And if he deteriorates any further, I want to at least ease my mind knowing that I was able to tell him goodbye." as the words left my mouth it was hard not to think about what it felt like  when I lost my granny; it tore me to shreds.  
If I loose Mark, I don't know how I'll be able to go on.

"Yeah I'll be able to get you guys, just let me know when you guys will be there and ill get you guys."

"Thank you Tyler. Has there been anything new?" I clinched my jaw tight, and gripped my phone as hard as I could, hoping nothing major.

"Nothing really new. No changes. I'm actually getting ready to head over there now and wait for him to get his bi-weekly scans done. Text me with your flight info so I can put it in my phone so I don't forget."

"Alright I'll text it to you. Chat with you later?"

"You got it. talk to you later."

Hanging up I immediately sent our flight info to Tyler before laying down and quickly falling into a deep sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not a medical professional.  
> I never studies anything medical.  
> I am not 100% that any of what is in this story, can actually truly happen.


	8. 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short filler chapter (Its less than 1,000 words)
> 
> Triggers are mostly things that have to deal with dark / gloomy/near death hospital scenerios (will give betting trigger warning in am)

I was so anxious during the flight, I had practically chewed off my fingernails on my right hand to the point of bleeding and picked and pulled at my beard with my left.  
My mind was just racing with everything that had happened recently I was surprised that I had kept my cool for so long.  
Unfortunately I felt like the atomic breakdown was just around the corner; always rearing its head round the corner, waiting for the most inopportune moment to detonate and cause a major disaster.  
I felt like I was in this perpetual state of the start of a panic attack with the actual panic attack never happening.  
'What has my life come too? I never ever thought any of this shit would have ever happened to me, and I dont know how to handle any of it.'

***

Rushing down the stairs I was practically dragging Signe along with me over to luggage claim; by this point I felt like a pot of boiling soup getting ready to boil over, causing a complete disaster in the mist of its wake.  
I grabbed our suitcases as soon as I saw them, grabbing Signe's hand yet again I pulled her along as I ran out side to where Tyler was waiting.  
He rushed to get the trunk open seeing the speed we had approached his car.  
"Go....... ahead.......and.......get in the......... car Signe........ I will get the bags....... into the trunk." I heaved out while trying to catch my breath.  
She had done so and i carelessly chucked all of out suitcases and carry ons into his trunk before shutting it, getting in and buckling up.  
"It's nice to see you..... again Tyler. Sorry about just....... chucking everything in your trunk........ I really just want to get to Mark."

Before he said anything in response, he handed Signe and I ice cold waters, "Sean, I have to warn you. Mark doesn't look the same. All the bruising and swelling everywhere on him has him quite disfigured. He's also on a ventilator." Tylers face was stone cold and expressionless as he begun driving out of the airport.  
"Wait, was he always on a ventilator?"  
"No. He begun to struggle breathing on his own last night. They think this may be the beginning of the end."  
My heart stopped and plummeted to the pit of my stomach, 'This...... This is all my fucking fault.'  
The rest of the ride to the hospital was filled with nothing but heavy almost mournful silence and the world seemed to have all colors drained out from around us, leaving us surrounded by a dark almost black gloom.  
For the first time In the last 2 weeks my mind was eerily still, so still, it begun to worry me.

***

Tyler walked me to the waiting room, where him and Signe volunteered to stay while I visited with Mark, before he walked me to the outside of the room Mark was in.  
"We'll be in the waiting room if you need us," Tyler pulled me in for a big hug, my arms not even moving from my sides, "Be strong."

Turning from him, I faced the door, and prepared myself the best I could for what was on the other side.

Reaching for the handle, I felt like the instant my fingers touched, I had hundreds of balls and chains constricting every inch of my body weighing me down to my very soul.

Turning the doorknob, I broke the faint seal, hearing a low, but audible hiss, followed by bone chilling breeze.

Walking in the door I could see a dark mist filling the room getting darker as it flowed to the center of the room; the image waiting for me in the center of the room, nothing could have prepared me to see.

The light that had dimly framed his silhouette, the tubes that stuck out of his mouth were connected to massive machines besides th hospital bed, IV poles overflowing with numerous bags of medications and fluids the screen beeped with every pump of his heart the screen filled with multiple lines and numbers.

I painfully made my way closer to him, seeing the discoloration, bruising and disproportions of his face become more noticable as I took my final step, standing next to the head of the hospital bed, was I staring at the shell of what once was the love of my life?

I wasn't sure, all I knew was this was completely gut wrenching, and soul shattering.

I must've stood there for at least 20 minutes not moving a single muscle before I took a step closer, my hand reaching for his; when it made contact I was jolted with shock at how deathly cold Mark was, still I eased his hand into mine and couldn't stop staring.

How do you process something like this?

I didn't even realize when Tyler and Signe eventually came into the room, and I was absolutely clueless how long I had been standing in the same position, not even moving once.

"Are you hungry?" Signe approached me, whispering next to me.

Giving her the faintest shake of my head, I continued to just stare.

"Tyler was going to take me to Mark's house then to get something to eat, please let me pick you something up, you've been standing there for near 4 hours. I would like it if you would eat when we get back."

I was able to faintly hear them leave the room, before my world went deafly silent.


	9. 9

I had sat curled up in the chair next to Mark's hospital bed for the what could have been a week, hardly moving a muscle, not eating, just sadly existing.

If this was his end, it would be mine too.

Throughout the day the people around me seemed to be going in super sonic speed while my own time was as slow as a snails pace, creeping along each minutes stretching time to almost triple it's length.

If someone were to ask me what time or day it was, I wouldn't be able to even guess, my seconds were minutes, my minutes were hours, hours were days, days were weeks and weeks were months; there were no reasonable concept of time for me.

Reaching over, I grabbed Mark's hand before slipping into sleep.

In the bleak state that was my dream it was just Mark and I as we were in reality, my hand holding Mark's still.

The silence around us was broken by Mark's once familiar voice, but this time it was as soft as the wind from a butterflies wings, "Sean. Wake up. It's time."

Just like that I was awake, feeling twinges on my palm, I was almost certain it was due to sleep deprivation, but once I felt his grip tighten up a little, my heart gently fluttered.

I changed my focus from our hands to his still slightly disproportioned face winced in pain his eyes begun to open every so slightly, 'Was this actually happening? Was this a dream?'

With my left hand still gripped in his, I moved closer to his face, and eased my right hand onto his cheek.

When I made contact, his eyed jolted towards me, opening wide he begun to weep.

"It's alright, don't cry. I'm here. It's ok." I chocked out trying to hold back the tears.

I could see his lips begin to move, as if he was trying to speak.

"You aren't able to speak, you're on a ventilator." as soon as I said that Mark struggled to bring up his other hand towards his mouth, "Don't you dare try to pull that out. I'll get the Dr." as took my hand off of his cheek and started to walk away, his grip on my left hand tightened to almost a vice like grip and he shook his head, as if he was telling me to stay.

***

Tyler and Signe showed up shortly before the Dr did, they wanted to be there when he came off the ventilator.

The Dr had shown up and came into the room.

"Mr. Fischbach its a miracle you're awake.  
It's good to see.  
I see that the on call Dr already made sure that you were able to fully breath on your own without the ventilators assistance last night.  
It's amazing to see where you're at now compared to yesterday morning.  
Since that was taken care of last night, I do have some things to tell you before we pull this out.  
Use your voice without straining, even if it means it is quiet and breathy, avoid talking against background noise, encourage others around you to come closer to you so that they can hear you, Do not shout or whisper, this could possibly cause further irreversible damage to your voice box, avoid long telephone calls, take regular breaths to avoid straining at the end of sentences, if you feel sore from using  your voice, give it a rest for 30 minutes to an hour, use steam inhalations if your throat feels dry. You can do this by putting hot water in a bowl, placing a towel over your head, leaning over the bowl and inhaling. Use hot rather than boiling water to avoid scalding, avoid throat clearing. Instead, try clearing your throat by swallowing, keep your room or house humidified by opening windows when you return home.  (Avoid hot, dry environments), if you use an inhaler, rinse your mouth after use, keep your vocal cords well hydrated: try drinking two litres of water a day. By following these steps properly, you can avoid any further damage to your voice box, and should make recovery a little quicker. Unfortunately there are times that people need to see a ENT to get treatment to help the healing process, its a play be ear as of now. Since I've concluded proper self care, I'm going to have to ask everyone to leave."

"Why do we have to leave?" I asked.

"It's protocol."

Tyler and Signe got up and left the room, as I begun to turn around Mark's grip tightened.

"I'm sorry but I can't stay with you Mark."

By that time the Dr turned his full attention towards Mark, and when he did Mark pointed at me then down, almost as if he was telling the Dr that he wanted me here.

"Dr, I think he wants me to stay here. Do you have some paper and a pen so he can maybe write what he's trying to say?"

"I'll get some, be right back."

The dr left the room and left us alone in the room, I could tell that there was so much going on in his mind and he was so frustrated  that he wasn't able to say them, I wasn't even sure if hed be able to right away.

Within a few minutes the Dr's and a few nurses came back into the room, the Dr walked over to Mark and handed him the note pad and pen.

He struggled pretty badly gripping the pen correctly, but he eventually was able to; pulling to pad of paper towards him he begun to write

"I want him to stay."

His writing was rough to read, but it was still legible non the less.

"Mr. Fischbach, he is unable to stay while we do this, its standard protocal that all visitors must at least leave the room while we do this."

While the Dr was talking Mark had been writing, turning it around, "Then I don't want it done if he can't stay."

The Dr looked at both of the nurses and stayed quite for a little bit, "Ladies, not a word will be spoken about this. Alright?"

They both answered with a yes in unison.

"Alright, but he will have to sit in the chair and stay out of the way."

Mark and I both nodded, and I headed to the chair that was on the wall by the door; I could see everything that was going on, but I had to look away while plugging my ears.

I didn't have the strongest somach when it came to people gagging and was very weak when it came to other vomiting, just thinking about it made me ferociously gag.

After a minute or two one of the nurses came over and tapped me on the shoulder.

Unplugging my ears, she said, "It's over with, he will be extremely hoarse when it comes to speaking, and he may no be able to say anything for the next few days. If anything changes please be sure to page us on to controller."

After the 3 of them left the room, I got up, slowly made my way over to the bed.

The look that was on Mark's face showed that Mark had a lot n his mind, but he was so scared to say anything, turning his head away from me, he dropped it down and begun to weep without any sounds.

Without saying a word, I walked over to the bed, and climbed up and straddled Mark's lap, grabbing his arms I drapped them over my shoulders and rested my body on his.

Mark pulled me as close as he could get me, and tightened his embrace slowly easing his sobs.

Resting my face in the crook of Mark's neck we both finally drifted off to a peaceful sleep.


	10. For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth.

 

Mark's been pretty silent for the last few days, he's only been able to say a few things at a time before his throat begins to bother him, so he's been communicating mostly by writing on the notepad; given it's not been much more then basic needs like he's thirsty, hungry, or in pain.  
Now that he'd been conscious for a while, I couldn't help but feel a little antsy about getting answers.  
Him being in that accident and being paralyzed was punishment enough for his actions, but that didn't mean I totally forgive him for what he did, nor did I understand it.

I still wanted answers, to at least know why he did what he did.  
I had since withdrawn myself from him, sitting on the chair beside his bed, curled with my knees to my chest, my chin resting on them with my arms wrapped around my legs.

I zoned out staring blankly at the same spot on the floor.  
I could hear the pen going along the width of the paper over and over again, Mark no doubt could tell that I was uneasy.  
After a minute or two I could feel the notepad gently resting upon my shoulder, reaching up, I took it and read it.  
   
'Look, I know that you're not happy with me.  
I can't blame you for feeling the way you feel.  
I made you feel like that, and I don't deserve  
to be alive, especially with you sitting by my  
side like you are. I don't deserve any of the  
good things that life has given me. I can  
never take back my actions. I don't expect  
you to forgive me, I just ask for you to be a  
little patient with me while my voice  
strengthens so I can explain EVERYTHING  
to you. And even after that, I still don't expect  
forgiveness.'  
   
Tossing the notepad back on the bed, I got up and grabbed my backpack. "Look Mark, I'm going to go back to the house, I'll be back sometime. I just need some alone time." Turning away from him, I walked out of the room and called for an uber. I was exhausted, having not left his side all this time.  
At this point all I wanted was solitude and quiet, just to rest on something that wasn’t a chair, and maybe think about what Mark could possibly tell me when he finally was able to speak.

As I waited outside the front of the hospital I sent a text to Tyler, "Hey Tyler, is it ok if Signe stays over at your house tonight, Maybe even tomorrow? I need solidarity for a day or 2. I need to just be alone for a while."  
Within a moment I got response, "Yeah, I'll have her gather her stuff and I'll take back to my pad. Are you going to be alright?"  
Taking a deep breath in, I replied "Yeah, I'll be alright." I lied; I wasn't sure, but I didn't want to worry him nor Signe, I just didn't have the energy to deal with anything else today.  
Just as I sent it, the uber driver pulled up, taking me back to the house.  
Pulling put my wallet from my backpack, I grabbed out more money than I needed and told the driver to keep the change before getting out and walking up the few concrete stairs, that connected the end of the walkway to the sidewalk; continuing on the walkway, I hesitated at the front door.  
Even though I've been here very few times since arriving back, it was still difficult to walk in and not think about everything that happened here.  
Grabbing out my keys from my back pocket I slid the silver key into the door knob and turned it to unlock the door.  
Pushing the door open, it did feel good to be somewhere I could be more comfortable other than a chair to sleep in, walking over to the couch I plopped down and flipped on the TV with the remote

No matter how hard I tried I found it pretty difficult to actually get comfortable and fully relax; zoning out was damn near next to impossible for me to do, and I was beginning to feel on edge and anxious as the thought became more intrusive.  
"Fuck, I need to relax......" Just as the words came out of my mouth, I remembered that we had a nice little alcoholic collection that was just calling my name.

 

I hadn't been back to the hospital for about a week now, and I really wasn't looking forward to going back; especially after having done the stupid thing and went for a bender that weekend, to help ease some of the anxiety of what was inevitable.  
But Tyler had told me that Mark had been insisting on seeing me.

So I decided I might as well push though and get this over with  
My phone chimed with a text from Tyler, telling me he was outside waiting for me.   
I honestly didn't want to do this.  
I didn't want to go to the hospital and deal with any of this.  
Grabbing my backpack along with the keys, I headed out locking the door behind me, then down to the street where Tyler and Signe were waiting patiently.

 

"Hey." Tyler said as I sad down and lazily buckled my seatbelt.  
"Hi." I said aimlessly.  
 I knew He was trying to make conversation with me, but I didn't care too, and I think they were both able to tell that.

Arriving to the hospital after a silent car ride, I got out and headed straight inside to check in.  
My head still ached, and my stomach was twisting with both nausea and anticipation.  
Throughout that week I had convinced myself there was little Mark could actually tell me that would convince me that what he did was justifiable.  
Add to that my shitty decision of getting shit faced to make myself feel better about that conclusion I probably wasn’t in the best mood to deal with what I was about to hear.  
I trudged ahead, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible.  
I ended up leaving Signe and Tyler at the front desk to check in for themselves.  
Sadly I didn't care if I left them behind, I just wanted to move on from all of this, I was just so tired.  
Heading over to the few people that were waiting for the elevator, I walked in with them as the doors open; closing just as Signe and Tyler arrived at the check in desk.

 

Getting to the 5th floor, I walked out and headed down the long hall that took me straight to his hospital room.  
Walking in without knocking I sat down on the chair that was directly at the end of the bed.  
We sat in silence for a while; too long if you ask me, but I didn’t feel it was my place to start this conversation.  
Just as Mark finally opened his mouth to explain, Tyler and Signe walked in and sat down.  
There was a pause as Mark looked at them with apprehension before turning back to me. 

"Sean, I'd like to talk to you alone." His voice was a lot stronger than just a few days ago, but it cracked quite frequently.  
I sighed heavily. "Why Mark?" I asked while rubbing my forehead.  
"This is… personal." he hesitated.  
This started an angry, licking fire in the pit of my stomach, biting out "Why can't you just tell me?"  
"Because I... I thought this was just between us."  
“Are you trying to hide something?” I was getting angrier. I just wanted him to give his flimsy excuse, so I can tell him to fuck off and move on.  
"Well, no, But I just thought it would better to tell you alone." He dropped his head towards his chest, submissive and ashamed.

After a short silence between us Tyler and Signe began to get up and go.  
"No.” My voice stopped them and they waited for me to continue. “No, if you have something to tell me, then you can tell me in front of them.” I was angry, angry at how I’d come running back to my rapist, angry at myself for feeling bad about not wanting to forgive him for what happened, angry at how I’d even allowed myself to get raped in the first place, especially by a man who I had loved and trusted for years. I was angry at him for what he did and I wanted him to suffer. To squirm to admit out loud what he’d done to me. Make it real for everyone in this room, including myself. The man I loved, raped me, let him suffer, I won’t forgive him.  
“I mean unless your ashamed and trying to guilt trip me back into being with you." I stood as tall as I could, my hands in fists now hanging besides me; I was so angry with him my blood felt like it was almost to the boiling point. Hot frustrated tears fell from my eyes. “Are you going to say you were so stressed from work, so frustrated that you took it out on me and that your sorry?! Are you going to say it was an accident, that it won’t happen again?! Are you going to promise to be better, to not leave me feeling used and abandon and fucking worthless? Not going to run off wherever it was you ran off to whether it was to a fucking bar or out with some whore? Are you really going to try and make this better, after… after everything! After you cheated on me and— and—"

 

"I was blackmailed into cheating on you."

 

"Of fucking course, you’d say that! That’s what they all say. Sure the fuck you... were...” His words suddenly sunk in as I stared at Mark, who had his head down looking to have also been crying. “Wait, what… what did you just say?" Silence met me as I blinked in confusion, suddenly unsteady on my feet. I grabbed ahold of the back of the chair easing myself down, I couldn't believe what I just heard.

 

"Amy didn't just blackmail me, she was going to try and completely ruin your life so you would leave me and she could have me all to herself."

  
_*****_ _ **^*^*^*^*^*^*^*FBB*^*^*^*^*^*^*^***_   
_**Walking over to the bed where he was laying still in bed, all nice and snuggled up, I gave him a kiss on the cheek, "Hey, I'm going to go hang out with Tyler and Ethan for a while, we're gonna hang out and possibly film a few videos so I'm not sure what time I'll be back. I love you babe."** _   
_**In his still slightly groggy voice, he responded in a childish tone, "Okeys. Be safes, I wuv you too!"** _   
_**I absolutely adored when he was like that, all I wanted to do was smother him with kisses, but I had some things I wanted to plan out for our anniversary that was coming up a little later on in the year.** _   
_**Grabbing my keys, I made my way over to Ethan's apartment where Tyler, Kat, and Ethan were already waiting.** _   
_***** _   
_**As we sat there discussing what to do for the tour, Kat cut in, "Oh, I have a friend that is coming over, and she's pretty good at costume designs. I'm sorry this is such short notice, I wanted you to meet her before we begun setting things in stone, that way you can get to know her, and maybe she can help you out with costumes for the tour. She should be here shortly."** _   
_**Raising my eyebrows up, I looked at Tyler and Ethan, both of which looked the opposite way when we made eye contact, "Ooookay, thanks for letting me know. I wish I would have been told a little sooner, but it's, it's whatever right now."** _   
_**The four of us continued to chat for a little bit before the door bell begun to chime in, "Oh, that must be her! I'll get it!" Kat said as she quickly got up from the couch and headed to the door.** _   
_**"Why didn't you guys tell me this?" I whispered to them.** _   
_**"Because Kat asked us not too." Tyler said in response.** _   
_**"She practically begged us not to say anything, she wanted to do something nice for you. She was super excited about this too." Ethan added in.** _   
_**"You guys know how I am when things just unexpectedly come to my attention. I appreciate her doing this, but just next time please at least give me some sort of heads up."** _   
_**I had a lot of anxiety when it came to meeting people that I didn't know, especially when it comes to big projects like this was going to be, that a lot was going to be put on the line for as well; so this was taking a big risky leap.** _   
_**A little irritated I leaned back onto the couch waiting for Kat to come back.** _   
_**But at this point there was really no point in being as irritated as I was, what's done is done and there was nothing I could do to change; taking a deep breath I calmed myself and waited for Kat and her friend to come sit down.** _   
_**Hearing a little chatter from the front door, they walked in, "So this is my friend Amy." Kat said with a huge smile across her face.** _   
__   
_****** _   
__   
_**It had been about 2 weeks since I met Amy, she was a pretty bright person, and she had a really good portfolio of some of the costume and theatrical make-up she’s done; I was highly impressed with her work.** _   
_**She was going to be a good asset to my team.** _   
_**I had some plans to meet up with the whole gang today, but Tyler had a Doctor's appointment, I wasn't able to get ahold of Ethan, and Kat was out of town, so I decided to meet up with Amy and talk about some ideas I had for the tour, and I trusted her to come up with the costumes for the sketches** _   
_**She invited me over to her apartment because she felt like that was a better place to chat then out in public where anyone could come up to us.** _   
_**She had also mentioned that she had just recently finishing putting together a more recent, much larger portfolio and that she was eager for me to see it, so I kindly agreed to go over.** _   
__   
_**~~** _   
__   
_**I arrived at Amy's apartment shortly before the time she told me to stop by.** _   
_**Knocking on the apartment door I waited for her to answer.** _   
_**Hearing the chain lock being opened, along with the lock on the door knob, the door opened in a quick swing.** _   
_**"Hey Mark! I'm glad to see that you made it alright, come on in, make yourself comfortable."** _   
_**"Thanks." I said walking in and over to her couch before taking a seat.** _   
_**"Before we get started, are you thirsty? Would you like anything to drink?"** _   
_**"Do you have any cold water bottles?"** _   
_**"I actually JUST finished the last one. I do have some filtered water that I keep in the fridge, would that be okay?"** _   
_**"Sure, that would be fine."** _   
_**Amy shortly thereafter brought me a tall glass filled with ice cold water, "I'll be just a second, I have to grab my portfolio out of my office.** _   
__   
_****** _   
__   
_**It was in the ending weeks of the us getting together daily to plan for the tour that we were going to do sometime late next year, and Amy had invited me over to her place to start showing me the sketches of the costumes, as well as to hammer out a few kinks she had with the fabric choices.** _   
_**Arriving to her place I pulled my keys out of the ignition, I locked the car up and walked up the stairs to her apartment complex.** _   
_**Knocking on her door, she answered within a few seconds.** _   
_**"Thanks for coming over on such short notice Mark, I have been frustrated with choosing these materials that I needed someone else’s opinion."** _   
_**"It's no worries Amy, I'm glad to help you out." I said walking through her apartment door.** _   
_**"The materials are right on the dress form, go ahead and look at them and choose which you like, I need to get me a glass of wine I'm so stressed out. Would you like one?"** _   
_**"Uh, sure, having one won’t hurt."** _   
__   
_**A few minutes later, Amy came out with 2 wine glasses full of wine, coming around the couch she handed me the glass that was in her right hand, "Here you go. And thanks again for helping me Mark, I was so stressed I didn't know what else to do."** _   
_**"It's honestly no big deal, you’re doing a ton to help with taking on the costume ideas and planning that I'm grateful to help you out whenever you need me too."** _   
_**Smiling, I took a drink of the wine, after a few minutes on contemplating the 2 materials, she had laid on the dress form, I began to say "I have to say I think that the darker material will work better with the overall outfit. The lighter one would add some contrast, but I feel like it wouldn't fit the skit."** _   
_**Amy turned towards the form, sat there quietly, "You know what, I think your right."** _   
_**As Amy and I sat on the couch, I begun to feel a little bit dizzy and weak, "I don't feel......." I slurred out before blacking out.** _

_**The next morning, I woke up to birds chirping, trying to open my eyes, I was blinded by the ray of sunshine.** _   
_**'Fuck, my head is killing me.'** _   
_**"Sean?"** _   
_**I called out for him hoping he'd answer.** _   
_**"Sean can you shut the curtain? My head is killing me."** _   
_**After no response, I opened my eyes to an unfamiliar place.** _   
_**"Where the fuck am I?!?!" I jumped out of the bed only to realize that I was naked.** _   
_**My heart was racing as I scrambled to find my boxer briefs; seeing them hanging off the end of the bed, I quickly slipped them on, and tried to figure out what happened.** _   
_**I-I couldn’t remember, I don't even know where I am.......** _   
_**Hearing the bedroom door open, I froze in place.** _   
_**The door opened, and Amy walked in with a towel wrapped around her.** _   
_**"AMY?!?!?!?" I backed away, tripping over something, and falling straight on my ass.** _   
_**She rushed over me, placed her hands on my bicep, "Oh my god! Mark are you ok?"** _   
_**Pulling my arm away from her, "Don't touch me."** _   
__   
_**Amy stood up, and walked to her dresser directly in front of me, "That's different than what you wanted last night."** _   
_**"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked.** _   
_**"Oh, so last night meant nothing to you now?" She asked with resentment.** _   
_**"I don't even remember anything that happened. So how can it mean anything to me?" I was completely bewildered.** _   
_**"After drinking half the bottle of chardonnay, you began to tell me all the explicit things you wanted to do to me while you made moves on me and eventually we made it to the bedroom where we ended up having sex." She said before she walked away.** _   
_**"No.........No..............No no no no no no no no no ," Getting up, I followed her, "No, your...... your lying to me......... I.... I would never....... Do that......."** _   
_**She quickly turned around to me, her index finger gently pressing into my pec, "You don't believe me, you can go look in the fucking bedroom trash can."** _   
_**Walking back to the bedroom, I looked down in the trash that was right by the door, and my heart shattered as I saw the used condom laying in the bottom.** _

_**"If that’s not enough evidence, Why don't you look on your phone, "You wanted to treasure the beautiful sight'." Amy said as she shoved the rest of my clothes and my phone into my chest.** _   
__   
_**Turning, I dropped my clothes onto the side of her bed, grabbing my phone from the top, I put my finger on the fingerprint scanner and went into my pictures.** _   
_**The first thing that showed up was a video of Amy's face; I still couldn't bring myself to believe it, I had to see the evidence.** _   
_**The begins with her crawling onto my naked body sprawled on her bed, and then she slid herself down onto my ridgid cock, "God you fill me up so good. Hello there Mark. You are no doubt watching this the next morning after waking up naked in my bed. God I have all evidence to ruin everything, along with some very personal photos of you and Sean that can mysteriously be leaked if you don't agree to my terms and conditions. I'll see you in the morning." She blew a kiss, winked and stopped the recording.** _   
_**"I always knew that he was a bottom." Amy said as she looked at the pieces of papers that were in her hands.** _   
_**"Where the fuck did you get those?" I asked infuriated as I tried to reach for the pictures.** _   
_**"Nun-un-un. You make the wrong moves, choices or tell anyone I WILL put all the pictures, and videos out there for your community while killing your career and ruining his life. So, what's it going to be?" I could care less about myself, but I don't want anything to happen to Sean...** _   
_**After no doubt gnawing a chunk of the inside of my lip off, I agonizingly agreed to her contract.** _   
__   
_**"Good boy. Now let me see your phone so that way I know it's been deleted."** _   
_**I resentfully handed it over, still unlocked and let her delete her video.** _   
_**"You should also get home to Sean, he’s been calling all night. It’s been entertaining to see your phone go off as it has. And remember, you say anything you can kiss everything you love goodbye."** _   
_**I got dressed as fast as I could and left; but there was no way I could go home I couldn't face Sean after this, and not tell him.** _   
_**This was going to kill me, but as long as it meant i was keeping his life from being ruined, I was going to do anything for him, even if meant betraying him as I have.** _   
_**Speeding off, I was set on finding a mountainside cliff and just staying in my car for the night.** _

_**The first few months under her contract it was easy for me to come up with excuses on where I had to go, but after 8 months of lying to Sean, I began to just leave when she beckoned instead of trying to come up with more bullshit lies to tell him where I was going. I was tired of begging everyone to vouch for me as well, telling them lies for reasons why I asked them to vouch for me, it got too tiring.** _

_**Still hung over from the night before I walked into the house and headed in to talk to Sean. I know what I did was wrong, and I just wanted to make things better, or at least try.** _   
_**I** _

_**hated that I had run to alcohol to cope with my own guilt and anger, there was honestly nothing else I could do, and after what I did to Sean I could have easily drank myself into oblivion** _   
_**Walking into the house I could hear that the water was running in the bedroom.** _   
_**Walking to the room, I walked in and saw the bathroom door shut; my heart dropped and began to beat slowly, I was afraid.** _   
_**I was afraid to face him; afraid to tell him that it was Amy I saw in front of me and not him.** _   
_**Knocking on the bathroom door, I said out, "Sean, I know that you’re hurt but I-- I just want to try and make things better. I want to tell you everything. You deserve to know the truth. "** _   
_**Standing there for some time waiting for a response. "I know that you may not want to talk to me, but can you please make a noise or tell me that you’re alive?"** _   
_**After no response for over 5 minutes I went to just open the door, but my hand was greeted by a locked door.** _   
_**By this time, my heart was racing and I was beginning to panic; I didn't know how I would get in, so I took a few steps back, and kicked the door open.** _   
_**My eyes darted around the entire bathroom before catching glance of him laid out on the floor in the shower.** _   
_**Rushing over to the shower I pushed the door open as fast as I could, turned off the cold running water, and looked for a pulse. 'He's alive!'** _   
_**Grabbing a big towel, I placed it over him, picked him up, carried him to the bed, and covered him up before.** _   
_**Standing up I looked at his body, still tightly tucked into the fetal position, he became a ball underneath the covers, whimpers still escaping from his lips 'What the fuck have I done...'** _

 

_**I paced the entire house for hours on end after I put him in bed, I would be surprized if I hadn't worn the path in the wooden floors. I panicked the longer it took Sean to wake up. Just as I began to walk away from the bedroom for probably the hundreth time, I could hear him whimpering as well as the covers rustling aroud. Turning back towards the bedroom, I felt sheepish and humiliated with myself, but it was time to face the music.** _

_**Easing myself into the room, I was mortified to see Sean hyperventilating like he was, and there wasn't much I could do to help him.** _   
_**Swallowing the massive lump in my throat, I tried tohold back the tears.** _   
_**"Sean," I began to weep, I couldn't stay strong, "I am so sorry. I became a monster last night. I don't know what got into me."** _   
_**My legs no longer could hold my weight, the collasped underneath me, making me come down hard on my knees, I laid my head on the bed besides him, hysterically crying.** _   
_**Choking out between my sobs I cried out, "I didn't want it to be true. It ripped my heart out of my chest, and I wanted it, wanted you back. I snapped and wasn't able to control myself. When you were over that bathroom sink, I knew that you couldn't leave me if i had you like that. But I-I never expected that I would do that."** _   
_**Sean wept out, "You couldn't take the fact that I turned you down last night, and you wanted what you wanted, and you took it from me. YOU RAPED ME MARK!"** _   
_**"I'm sorry. I didn't want too." I said reaching for his hand.** _   
_**Ripping his hand away from me before I could come in contact with him,  "Don't you dare touch me. Nothing you can say can fix this. What you did to me was the end of this."** _   
_**Nothing more I could do beside let him be, submissively and shamfully I got up left the room, and grabbed my keys before leaving the house.** _

_**I left** _ _**haphazardly, and without any destination.** _

 

_**After being gone for a few days, I headed back home.** _   
_**Unlocking the front door and walking through the door, I headed to the room.** _   
_**The only solution I had was to pack and leave, let Sean stay here.** _   
_**Walking to the room, I saw that the drawers were hanging open, hangers over the floor  as well as at the end of the bed and Sean was not here; upon my pillow there was a piece of paper.** _

_**The writing was shakily written down with small warped spots throughout the paper:** _

 

_**"Mark, I write this letter out of pain and heartbreak.** _   
_**I have spent countless days loving you from day in to day out, loving every fiber of your being.** _   
_**Memorizing every freckle, every expression, every single inch of you.** _   
_**I have loved more in my life in the time that I was with you then I could have ever thought was ever humanly possible.** _   
_**I have spent countless nights falling asleep to your peaceful sleeping face, sometimes being the only way I could sleep, counting every perfect imperfection, learning every freckle, every dimple, memorizing and loving your scars.** _   
_**All for what I though was love, but it was nothing more than a twisted and contorted lie. As much as this hurts, it's for the best. You have hurt me more than words could ever fix.** _   
_**~goodbye** _

 

_**My palms began to sweat, and my chest began to tighten up, heart plummenting to the bottom of my stomach all before I fell into a pit of rage.** _   
_**'I have lost everything because of that cunt!'** _   
_**In what seemed like a split second, I went from the room to the driver’s seat starting my car.** _   
_**Pain was the only thing she’s ever caused, and now I'm going to return the favor.** _   
_**Reaching her apartment complex in minutes flat, my body couldn't move quick enough; turning the car off I ripped the key from the ignition and jolted up her stairs, my fists pummeled and pounded on the metal door.** _

 

_**Within seconds, a still half-asleep Amy opened the door, "Dude, you scared the ever-living shit out of me. What the fuck is your issue??"** _   
_**Not saying a word, I shoved myself in, slamming the door behind me.** _   
_**Placing my hand around her throat, backing her up to the wall, my grip tightened.** _   
_**"YOU! YOU ARE MY FUCKING ISSUE! You have caused me to lose everything in my life that I ever loved! You hid your true intentions, YOU FUCKING DRUGGED ME, had your way with me and fucking threatened to blackmail Sean if I didn't bend and contort to your every whim and fucking wish! I HAVE NOTHING BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!" Amy's nails began to dig deep enough into my hand to pierce through the skin, forming small trickles of blood.** _   
_**"I could stand here and watch you breathe your last breath." I could feel her hands slipping off of mine, as she was beginning to lose her fight, I loosened my grip allowing her to breathe again.** _   
_**"You don't understand how much I would get off to take your life right now, but I'm not going too, AS LONG AS YOU GIVE ME EVERYTHING THAT I ASK FOR, AND DO EVERYTHING I TELL YOU TO DO. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"** _   
_**"Yes." she gasped out** _   
_**"You will tell me where your phone is. NOW"** _   
_**"Furthest bedroom nightstand."** _   
_**"ALL the blackmail you have. Pictures, videos, anything and everything. I want it all. You are going to pack your shit and leave state, and never, FUCKING NEVER even attempt to stab me in the back after you leave. IF you do, I WILL find you, and I WILL be the last face you will ever see. And that's not a threat, it's a FUCKING PROMISE!!!!" my grip tightened again.** _   
_**"Do. You. Understand. Me?"** _   
_**She was a deer in the headlight of an oncoming vehicle, eyes open as wide as could be, rapidly nodding her head, "Y-yes, I understand." she choked out.** _

 

_**Reluctantly, I let her go, and she fell straight to the ground, violently coughing, she cowered back into the corner.** _   
_**"You will not leave this spot until I tell you too."** _   
_**Heading towards her room, I was still filled with anger, I didn't want to let her go, I wanted to hurt her 10,000 times worse than she did me, but I couldn't bring myself to it; no matter how badly I wanted too. Going over to where her phone was, I grabbed it and headed back to where she was.** _   
_**After stopping in front of her I grasped the phone between both hands and snapped it in half like it was as weak as an ordinary pencil, rendering it completely useless.** _   
_**"Get me the rest. I want everything. NOW."** _   
_**Scampering along the wall until she got to her feet, she headed to her room, I was on her heels the whole way.** _   
_**Into her closet, she pushed a pile of clothes and other bullshit off of a decent sized safe, struggling, she put in her passcode.** _   
_**"Open it and move."** _   
_**Doing as I asked, I squatted down and pulled out 6 large manila envelopes, all marked M+S.** _   
_**"Is everything in these?"** _   
_**"Yes."** _   
_**"Good. You have 2 weeks to leave state. You run to authorities you won’t see tomorrow."** _

 

_**Without saying anything further I walked away, leaving her apartment for the last time.** _   
_**Walking down to the car I got in and drove back home.** _   
_**Stepping in the door I set the folders down on the counter and reluctantly opened them.** _   
_**Easing my hand inside I pulled the contents out of each one; laying the intimate photos down on the cold marble counter. I was nauseated that something so personal had crossed the gaze of her.** _   
_**The world seemed to freeze and the years, and memories I've spent with Sean seemed to play all in front of my eyes.** _   
_**'** _

_**Our first dinner, my first time truly going all out and cooking him his favorite dish, from scratch. Candle lit dinner with soft music playing in the back ground, the look on his face walking in is something that is permanently and perfectly etched in my mind.** _   
_**Our weekly movie nights, we would sit on the lounger couch and binge watch all kinds of different movies, usually resulting in Sean falling sleep with his head on my shoulder, following suit shortly thereafter; our necks would usually be in rough shape the next day, but it was worth it.'** _

 

_**Looking through the photos, I quickly realized where she got these photos; these were all photos she got from my phone.** _   
_**'FUCK!' she used my finger to unlock the phone and then she must have sent these to an e-mail to print them...** _   
_**Even though the house was fully furnished, it felt empty, dark, and cold; our roaring echoing laughter's were now eerily tense silence, that had a firm grip around my entire body, gently squeezing the air out of me, each day was getting worse, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't function.** _   
_**My world was crumbling apart, no matter how much I had fought to try to keep it together it just kept unraveling and it was all my fault.** _

_**My phone set on the floor besides me, dead from the uncountable attempts of reaching Sean. Realization had kicked in some time ago. He wasn't coming back.** _   
_**I was so sleep deprived by this point, my hallucinations and reality were so mashed together it was impossible for me to differentiate what was real, and what was a fragment of my fried imagination.** _   
_**I had sat in the same spot since I got back, only getting up to go to the bathroom, and immediately returning once I was finished.** _   
_**'Is this what it feels like to die from the weight of a broken heart?'** _   
_**Getting up, I headed to the kitchen and went to the alcohol cabinet, grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniels, I screwed off the lid and started gulping it down.** _   
_**I just wanted to black out.** _

 

_********** _

 

_**"MARK!" Tyler's screaming and shaking me violently woke me up** _   
_**Peeling my heavy eyes open, I sat up, sending my head into a spinning nose dive. "AHHHHHH FUCK! My head."** _   
_**"How much did you have to drink Mark?" Tyler asked crouched down beside me.** _   
_**"I've I haven't had anything." Still struggling to come to terms with being awake, I really had no idea what Tyler was talking about.** _   
_**"Dude there's like 6 empty Jack Daniels bottles next to you, and the house is a fucking mess. I've been trying to get ahold of you for the last 3 days. Everyone has been worried about you."** _   
_**Squeezing my eyes shut for a moment, I gave them a quick rub, before taking a look around me.** _   
_**"Damn... All I remember is starting the first one."** _   
_**"You've never drink like this Mark. What is wrong with you?" Tyler's usually rough tone was now unsettled; hesitating for a moment, I began to tell Tyler everything.** _   
_**~"And just a few days ago I snapped, went to her apartment, grabbed her by the throat and threatened to take her life. Snapped her phone in half and got all the shit she had on us. I came back, and that's all I really remember. It just feel like I'm in this bleak state of, him still being here, but knowing in my heart that he's not. Fuck, I never realized that a broken heart could make one so… broken, that they become far in the hole that they start burring themselves, because they have no other choice but to accept where they are."** _

 

_**The thing was, I couldn't live with myself and what I've done to him, he took my heart with him when he left, I don’t know how I'll make it out of this alive.** _   
_**I** _ _**t be a fucking miracle if I somehow made it to the other side.** _

_**"I know things are really hard right now Mark, and I'm sorry for everything that she has done and put you through. Neither one of you guys should have been a victim of hers. She was fucked up to do those things."** _   
_**I could hear Tyler continuing to talk and my hearing faded, everything played over and over in my head like some sort of sick and demented movie.** _   
_**"I raped him." I said weakly and dishonorably.** _   
_**"Wh-what?" he said as if just given grave news.** _   
_**"I came home drunk, and angry, not at him, but at myself for letting her have all authority over me. When I came home, he told me it was over, and everything inside me just shattered, I felt like everything I had gone through to save him was worth......... Nothing. It hurt. It hurt so fucking bad Ty. And then I got angry. I remember walking to the bedroom and telling him he can't just leave me like that. I went into the bathroom sometime after he did, I started kissing on his neck, I didn't want it to be true that he was leaving me. I pinned him to the bathroom sink, but it wasn't him that I saw. I saw Amy there in front of me. She had manipulated me so fucking much that I felt like I had to do it because I wanted her to feel what I did. I wanted her to feel the fear, the pain. I didn't want to do any of this with her, but she made me do it, and I wanted her to pay. But when I came too, I couldn't believe what I had just done.** _   
_**I ran.** _   
_**I didn't know what to do. I couldn't tell him that I saw Amy bent over the sink and not him. She took everything from me Tyler, I have nothing.** _

_***^*^*^*^*^*^*^* FBE*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*** _

  
"I didn't want any of it to happen, Sean. I didn't know what else to do. All I wanted to do was to protect you, but instead of protecting you, I tore you apart. And when you told me that you were going to leave me, that moment, I felt like everything I had done, all the tears, all the bending over, and self-hatred I went through to keep you safe, and protect you was for nothing, and I lost you anyway. So, whatever was holding my control together over myself, and my actions vanished."  
I stood there. My whole world spinning.  
I couldn't believe what I just heard. It changed a lot; flipped everything upside down.  
I felt my chest tighten and the world felt like it was crumbing beneath me, I felt dizzy and the floored looked like it was coming to meet my body.  
I swayed and fell out of the chair I’d sat in, hitting the floor hard, the pain didn't even register, my peripheral vision was black, blurry and it rhythmically beat with my heart.  
It felt like the entire hospital became decrepit and abandoned around me; I found out the truth and I wasn't able to handle it; all of this was MY FAULT.


	11. Friendly little PSA <3

I want to say something about this story before I continue on with anymore chapters.

I know that I portray Amy as this villain in my story, but this is not how I see her.

I actually really love Amy, and I love Mark and Amy as a IRL couple, just as much as I love Signe and Sean as a couple.

I know that I don't have much of a following on this fan fiction, but please don't take this fake story out of context and make it be a reason to attack Amy.

I'm sure she's already had enough people attack her as it is from the septiplier fandom as well as Marks community as well, don't let this add fuel to your flame and give you reasoning to attack her.

Because if that happens I'll pull the plug on this and scrap everything, and that's not what I want to do, this story has become my baby, it means a lot to me.

Thank you.

On a different note;

I wanted to give Chapter 10 a actual title because I wanted to show that this chapter is a extremely significant key to the entire story, so I wanted it to show that from the very beginning.

What took me for forever to release this chapter, is because I didn't know how Mark's side of the situation was going to play out and be explained, and that was something I stressed so fucking much about to the point I pretty much abandoned the story for quite some time because I was overly frustrated and angry at myself because I didn't know how I was going to do it.

That was when I consulted in At_the_moment and she mentioned something that really set my choice in stone.

Setting the scene in a flashback was something that was done in previous chapter(s?) but it was only from Sean's perspective.

When I started to write Mark's flashback I didn't want to immediately show that it was marks flashback, but have the reader come to a sudden and possibly shocking realization, "Fuck this is what mark went through" and that this was marks life we were seeing, that we were being put in marks shoes and see the personal turmoil and hard choices he had to make, and what made mark do as he did to sean. 

I was only able to get this so far, but it was At_the_moment that really pulled the emotions through and made it be something I never could.

I also wanted to get something out there that is serious.

As Mark talks to Tyler about what has happened, he says "Fuck, I never realized that a broken heart could make one so broken that they become far in the hole that they start burring themselves, because they realized they have no other choice but to accept where they are."

I wanted to throw this out there because I wanted to see how many people would catch that and realize that that particular line SHOULD have caught Tyler's attention, and possibly stop Mark from ever getting behind that wheel in attempts to take his own like.

I have suffered with depression for over a decade; 12 years.

12 years ago, I watched my grandmother pass away a month before my 15th birthday.

It DEVASTATED me, I was so close to my grandma that it ripped my heart from my chest and I collapsed on my knees at the end of the hospital bed wailing, SCREAMING NO!

I started self harming, quit going to therapy, and was angry at everything, to the point I stopped even caring about myself.

It took me 10 and a half years to come to terms with my depression and seek out some help. 

But just last year is when I decided to take my mental health more seriously and go regularly.

It's been about a year since I took therapy more seriously, and I've had some improvements, but nothing happens overnight

Depression and Suicidal thought should never be taken lightly. 

If you, a loved one or a close friend is feeling suicidal, or having thought of suicide, please get the help you / they need. 

Please reach out to someone, because your life matters, because even if you feel as if you don't have anyone that cares about you, I care about you.  
There are people out there to help you in that time.  
If you feel like you have no one, you do have people that care around you.  
If you feel like you don't have anyone to reach out to, reach out to me or a friend, or your doctor, or your teacher, somebody, please.  
I'm here to reach out to if you need someone.

 

Lot's Of Love 

~ Britt


	12. Chapter 11

"Hey, we’re going to leave and give you two some space. There is no need for us to intrude any more than what we already have." Signe said before she followed Tyler out of the hospital room, shutting the door behind her.

I didn't know how long I sat there on the floor, letting everything sink in; it wasn't until I heard Mark sobbing that I came back to reality. The realization of everything he went through on top of him being paralyzed from the car accident, made me feel like the monster; he ultimately did all of this for me.

As the tears still flowed, I got up, walked over to Mark, who now had his face buried in his hands while he wept.

Pulling his hands from his face I climbed on top of his lap, wrapped my arms around him, and held him as tightly and close as I could. I buried his face in the crook of my neck. Mark let out a heavy sigh as he held me tight, tears still falling from his eyes.

"I promise to do anything and everything in my power to piece back together any little bit of our relationship. You are the light of my life Sean, and I will give my last breath if it meant that you were going to be happy.” His voice was so hoarse after having told that entire story and still trying to apologize to me. I just kept running my fingers through his hair, trying to sooth him. “I have never met someone in my life that pushed me so much to strive to be the best version of myself possible, and I will fight to keep any fragment of any tiny speck that is still living. I will plant it, water it, and nurture it back to have a better loving, happy, striving life if you allow me too. Even if in the end you chose to leave me behind." I could feel Mark's tears trickling down my neck, down past my collar bone, until my shirt collar absorbed them.

I didn't say anything back, we just sat there holding each other. It was then that I decided that I was going to fight alongside Mark to fix this as well. I knew that this isn't going to be a walk in the park to get on the right track, trusts needed to be re-earned, Mark’s condition needed to be prioritized, and fears of the past cropping back up will haunt the both of us. I knew at times would be quite stressful, but as long as we were fighting hand in hand, next to one another, that we could get through this. If he was willing to do everything he could for this broken relationship then so was I. * The next few days, Mark and I spent time talking about each of the frustrations that we have had with one another. Some that cropped up were even before this entire mess happened.

We did our best for the moment to come up with solutions to work positively together to better those issues, as well as talking about the possibility of going to couples’ therapy once he is released from the hospital, as well as separate therapy for some of our own personal issues. We were both determined to work out this relationship of ours and slowly but surely making strides to better it.

*

Mark had been in the hospital for 2 months now, and today the doctor was going to come in and talk to him about the next steps in his treatment. Signe, Tyler and I had all come to the hospital and anxiously waited to hear the next prognosis.

As I sat on the side of the hospital bed, I had this sudden feeling of dread come over me, turning to Mark, I was a little teary eyed, looking down. "Mark, what are you going to do if this surgery isn't successful?"

He was silent for quite some time; placing his right hand on mine, he pulled it close to his heart, with his left, he placed his index finger underneath my chin lifted my face toward his and wiped away my tear with his thumb, "I've already come to terms with being how I am now. It hasn't been easy, but I've done this to myself. And whatever my future holds true, I'll be ok with it too. As long as I have you alongside me I know I can get through any of the obstacles life sets in front of me."

It wasn't long after that the doctor knocked on the door and came in, "Hello Mark, Sean, Signe, Tyler." He shook all of our hands before pulling up a chair next to the hospital bed. "Mark, the board and I just got done going over what we feel is the best next steps we can take in your treatment, and we have all come to an agreement that surgery at this very moment would probably be ideal.”

The doctor looked at his iPad, showing charts and graphs and notes from other doctors as well as his own. “The results from your last MRI shows that the physical therapy has highly improved the strength of your back muscles, which is what we were hoping for, it's ideal for what we need for the surgery. Also, the results from the electrodes tests show that when we manually sent an electronic pulse down the nerves it showed that the nerves in your legs are still functioning and not as severely damaged as we thought.”

The doctor gives Mark a reassuring smile. “All of this shows that it’s one of the best results we could have asked for, as well as it shows high promise that this surgery will be one of the most successful reconstructive surgeries with the best results ever. Now with all that being said I'm sure that you are aware of the probabilities this surgery can have _if_ not successful.” The doctor pursed his lips in thought, trying to think of a way to explain this without making it sound confusing. “With the removal of the nerves that are most damage, this can possibly cause severe and debilitating pain in the region of their removal as well as still being paralyzed.”

The doctor sat back a little, fingers playing with his pen as he continued to explain all of the risk to his somewhat captive audience. “If this happens there is a way that we can kill off the nerves so that way the pain isn't as severe, but that also runs the risk of developing later on down the line and having to go back in and kill off those nerve ending once again. We have come up with the conclusion that you are a perfect candidate for this surgery, but we need you're agreement that you are willing to go through with this.” This is the moment when he looks Mark in the eyes. This is a very important decision to make, no matter how the numbers show it to be an almost guaranteed success, there is always room for miscalculation or human error. No matter what the surgery is a risk.

“If you agree, we will begin to notify the proper surgeons and begin to discuss when it can be done. The bad news is either way we are going to have to send you home until that time. You have progressed as far as you can with us here and you’re not getting any worse. And until the surgery we can’t really do much more for you here.” The doctor smiles reassuringly though. “Don't worry you won’t be released today. But by early next week you will be, I’m sure that will give Sean enough time to get a wheelchair ramp installed and make small adjustments at the house. We will also be sending one of our skilled nurses every day to your house to help with bathing, changing and all that other stuff, while also helping teach you guys how to eventually do it on your own. Now the important question for you, Mark. Are you willing to go through with the surgery?"

Without hesitation Mark said "Yes."

"Considering all pros and cons?"

"Yes, considering all pros, cons and possible outcomes. I want the surgery."

"Alright Mark. I'll be in with you throughout the week to check up on you." The doctor gives him one more smile and waves kindly to the others as he got up from the chair and headed out.

'Man, that was a lot. Mark's finally coming home. I'm going to have to make sure everything is done before next week! Hopefully Tyler and Signe would help me that way everything wasn't all on only my hands.'

As if reading my thoughts Tyler spoke up, "Sean, I'm going to go take Signe back to the house. That way I can start to get the measurements for the ramps and other things around the house so it's a little lesser of a stressor you have to deal with. We'll be back later."

We waved to them as they headed out, and as soon as the door shut behind them, I laid along the small sliver of the bed next to Mark. He pulling me close to him, he softly spoke out, "Can you imagine? Finally, being able to sleep comfortably next to one another in our bed again?"

I chuckled, "Don't you mean just sleep next to each other period?"


	13. Chapter 12

Over the next week, I didn't really get to go to the hospital much, due to being so busy with getting the house finished for Mark to come home. I did kind of feel bad, but we had to finish this.

Luckily Tyler was cleaning up the mess from the ramp, and Signe and I had just finished up with taking the bed off the frame and putting the box spring and mattress on the floor. It was going to make moving Mark from his chair to the bed, much easier.

His electric chair had already been delivered on Monday morning and we finished putting it together yesterday. It was such a pain in the backside to get done, but with perseverance it was done.

"Sean." Signe called out after we’d finished.

"Yeah?" I answered, plopping down on the couch for a bit of a breather.

She sat on the couch besides me, took a deep breath in, and softly spoke, "I have a flight back to Ireland tomorrow morning. My sister has to go back to university, and she can't take care of the house any longer than one more week. This was all so last minute and I haven't gotten the right chance to tell you with everything that has been going on." It was said a bit fast, as if she wanted to get it all out as quickly as possible.

I let the information sink in, sinking lower onto the couch. "Fuck. I feel like with everything that's been going on in the last 2 months, I haven't been able to spend a lot of time with you.” I flinched a little, “You've done so much for me. For fucks sake you temporarily moved across the world to support me and I haven't even stopped to thank you." I bent over, putting my elbows on my knees and laced my fingers together.

"Sean, there's no reason to thank me. I did all of this because I wanted to. I want to help you, especially if it’s something that's going to make you happy. And seeing how happy you are, it has made all of this completely worth it." She patted my back, rubbing soothing circles into my spine.

I smiled, sitting up and taking Signe in for a big hug. "You truly are the best friend anyone could be blessed with. Thank you so much for everything."

I felt her smile into my neck, "And don't worry, I promise your stuff will be fine until you come back to get it."

This special moment was broken by my cell phone ringing, reaching into my pocket, I pulled my phone out and answered it, "Hello?"

"Hey hun." Mark's groggy voice rumbled through the other side.

"Hey Mark. What's up?"

"Well the Dr. just came in and told me that I still be coming home this week. I've already signed the discharge papers, but they won’t have the transportation vehicle here until the morning. I think it has something to do with it had some engine issues and is getting fixed that they won’t be able to bring me home today."

"Wow, that's crazy. Well everything is pretty much done and ready for you. The ramp has been installed, Tyler is just cleaning up the little bit of mess that happened during instillation. Your chair was finished being put together yesterday, and Signe an I just finished lowering the bed off the frame like maybe 10 minutes ago."

"Wow you guys have done a lot in such a short amount of time." He sounded a little remorseful.

"Well yeah, we want everything to be in order for when you come home." I smile into the phone hoping to send the message that we were happy to do all of this and he shouldn’t feel like a burden.

The line went silent for some time before Mark cleared his throat, "Well, I'm going to let you go for now, that way you can take a break from worrying about me and stuff. But I'll catch up with you in a little bit."

"Alright hun, I'll chat with you later. Love you." I could tell that Mark wanted to say something, but he didn't.

"I love you too."

We hung up our ends of the call.

I sighed, "I am sorry I haven't been able to spend any time with you Signe. Really, I feel horrible that you have done all of this and I haven't even hardly shown you any gratitude or how grateful I am for you literally dropping everything just to be with me on this crazy fucking roller costar that has been the last 3 months. I don't know how I'll ever repay you for your kindness." I did feel guilty because I've been wound up so tightly that I haven't even been able to stop and tell her thank you.

"When I told you, I didn't want you to come back here alone during a time like this, I didn't say it out of pity. I said it out of compassion.” She settled herself on the couch a bit, shifted in a way that could be to get more comfortable or because she was about to spill a lot. “I was upset with you when you said that you needed to come back, because I felt as if Mark was just trying to guilt trip you into getting back with him, and all this shit was fake, and he was manipulating you...”

She sighed, her brows furrowing, contemplatively staring at the floor. “But when we came to the hospital, and when Mark poured his heart out to you that day, it really made me swallow my words. He was so sincere.” Her eyes got a little distant and misty. “He loves you, and I don't think anyone would have actually attempted to take their own life after losing someone that they’ve poured so much blood, sweat, and tears into. He hurt you, and he knows it. But after hearing what he did. How sincere he was and his attempt afterwards…” She trailed off. She rubbed at her eyes a bit, a small sniffle escaped her quirked up lips.

“You two deserve to work things out. To live happily ever after. Don't feel sorry that you haven't spent a lot of time with me, because that's not what coming over here was about. This trip was for you. At first to get closure, and now to mend a broken relationship. And I promise that when I go home, I'll put your things in the extra room, that way they will be safe until you are able to come back and get it. But, I'm not expecting that to be for some time and I'm fine with that." She finally looked at me from her eyes on the floor, smiling with eyes glistening.

I took Signe in for another big hug, I held her tight as we both let some much-needed stress relief tears slide past our eyelids. She’s done so much for me and I was never going to be able to repay her for it, but I was grateful that she was willing to do all of this for me.

*

As I readied for bed that night, I had the day playing through my mind; tonight was a bittersweet night, I had taken Signe out for dinner. It had eased my mind just a little. I still felt bad that I dragged her into this whole mess. And this being her last night here until I was going to see her for a while I thought at the very least I could treat her for the night.

And honestly? It was nice to be able to step away from everything that had been going on with the house and just chat for a while. It had been hard for me to get comfortable, I was worried about everything that was going to be going on tomorrow; Signe flying home alone and Mark coming home. But eventually with the easy conversation and a few glasses of wine between us, the edge was taken off and the tension left me for the rest of the night.

When the next morning came so would the worries. But for the time I had enjoyed Signe’s company. Still, sometimes I wonder if I was ever given a heart too big for my own good.

*

Even though I got piss for sleep last night, I made sure to get up in enough time to say goodbye to Signe before Tyler came to pick her up. Sitting on the couch I flipped the TV on, as I did my phones instantly started to ring; I answered without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?" I answered, my voice still clearly tired.

"Hey hun, I'm getting ready to leave the hospital. I should be there in about half hour." Mark said from the other end.

I smile, "Alright, I'll see you soon hun."

"Alright love ya."

"Love ya too Mark."

Hanging up the call, I laid my head on the back of the couch, sighing heavily. "Today is going to be a long day."

*

I anxiously paced the whole house, back and forth the the living room to the front door to the bedroom then to the kitchen waiting for Mark to arrive. "He was supposed to arrive 15 minutes ago, I hope nothing happened to him."

As I began to grab my phone out of my pocket, the ambulance that was transporting him pulled up to the front of the house.

Jogging out the front door, I ran over to it, almost tripping and face planting into the concrete sidewalk.

"Sorry it took us so long to get here, there was a lot of traffic." The gentleman who came out of the passenger’s side said as he shut the door and headed to the back.

"It’s quite all right, I'm just glad that you guys made it here safely," I sighed, relieved.

I watch eagerly as the men pulled the gurney that Mark was strapped into out of the back of the ambulance.

"Hey good looking." Mark winked at me as he passed by me.

"Hey." I smiled nervously, went up the front door, and watched as they pushed Mark up the ramps.

Running to get in front of them, I opened the door, so they were able to cross the threshold, "Alright Mark, where would you like to go?" one of the paramedics asked.

"Can you put me in my chair?" Mark answered, head shifting to look in the living room.

"Yeah, no problem. Is that it right there?" The Emt nodded in the direction of the wheelchair.

"Yes." I said.

Standing back, I anxiously watched the two men move Mark from the gurney to the chair. As one of them lost a bit of grip on the sheet, Mark slipped down, resulting in him letting out a scream, no doubt from the pain. I had to turn my back at that point, I don't think I would have been able to handle it if Mark had fallen. I felt severely light headed. I was going to need to sit down soon too.

"I am so incredibly sorry Mark," the man said with sincerity, and they finally got him positioned right.

"It's... It's alright, thank you for not completely dropping me." Mark let out a forced laugh, no doubt hoping to ease the tension.

Grabbing the gurney, they left, leaving the 2 of us alone. I fell onto the couch and took a few needed deep breaths.

Mark took a moment to look at the various things on his chair before turning it on; Pushing the lever forward he roamed the house in silence. I let him go, closing my eyes for a little bit, arm over my face.

After a while he returned to the living room, he took one last look around, "It's like a whole new house to me, it's like I've never even seen it before."

I looked at him, a frown pulling at my lips. I stood up, almost mournful to hear that he had forgotten what the house had looked like, it made me wonder what other memories had been effected.

It wasn't much longer after that that there was a knocking on the front door, startled, I went to answer it.

"Hello there, I'm Evelynn. I'm Mark's home care provider. Has he arrived yet?" The young woman said, her hand out in greeting.

Sticking out my own out and forcing a smile, I shook hers, "Hello Evelynn, I'm Sean. Yes, Mark's home, come on in."

*

The day had been a lot longer than I hoped for, and I was just ready to call it a night. Right before Evelynn left, I assisted her in getting Mark ready and into bed for the night; I was beyond ready to sleep at this point, and I was excited to finally have him back home. As Mark and I lay in bed, I could hear him began to grunt and make noise.

"Are you ok babe?" I asked as I propped myself up on my elbow.

"Ye-yeah, I'm ok." I could see that he clamped his jaw down, his face winced in pain.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to let you convince me that your 'ok'. Tell me what's hurting." I sat up, crossing my arms, I waited for him to respond.

"My. Back." His voice cracked slightly, hissing through his teeth.

"Hang on, I'll be right back, I'm going to get your pain medication." I started to get up, but stopped when Mark barked out at me.

"NO! I don't want them." Mark was clearly in excruciating pain at this point, breathing heavily, eyes twitching in an attempt to school his facial expressions. I wasn't going to sit here and let him suffer; he's suffered enough over the last few months. I don't want him to suffer through something that can be helped.

Ignoring his whimpering pleas, I got off the bed, went to the living room, and got the bags that Tyler had brought from the pharmacy after he got back from taking Signe to the airport.

Pouring the numerous bottles out onto the kitchen table I read each one. "Take 4 times a day as needed for spasms.”

Okay, I found one, now the other. “Take 4 times a day as needed for pain. Found the other one." Grabbing the bottles, I went to the fridge and got Mark some cold water before heading to the room again.

Mark's fists were gripping the sheets, as his head was tilted and partially buried in the pillow, his teeth were showing as he cringed in pain; opening the bottles I grabbed one of each and walked over to his side of the bed.

"Here, take these." I knelt down beside him holding out my palm.

"No, I can do this." I almost didn't recognize his voice is was so strained as he tried 'grinning and bearing it'. It wasn’t working.

"You're going to give yourself a fucking aneurysm if you continue to strain yourself Mark, Take the fucking meds. I can't bare seeing you like this. Please?" I meant it to come out more firm, but my voice strained from worry.

It took Mark a moment to relax enough to where he could straighten his head and sort of prop his head up; opening the bottle of water, I put it up to his lips and let him get a drink in his mouth. Nodding his head down, I pulled the bottle from his lips and then put the 2 small pills in his mouth.

"Did you swallow?" I asked.

Opening his mouth, he showed me that he did. "Now, please don't let it get to this point again Mark. You don't have to suffer anymore.” I cupped his cheek, forcing him to look in my eye. “You've suffered enough for me."

I leaned down and gave him a peck on the lips. "Just try to relax until they help. I'm going to empty your bag for the night."

'Luckily the nurse showed me how to do this while she was here.' Squatting down along side the bed, I closed the clamp on the tube and detached the bag before I headed to the bathroom, emptying the contents down the toilet.

Walking back into the bedroom, Mark had a troubled look on his face. Walking over to his side again, I sat down and I asked, "What's got you bothered Mark?"

"This is embarrassing." He said, staring up at the ceiling.

I took a hold of his hand. "What's embarrassing?" I asked as I rubbed the top of his hand with my thumb.

"All of this.... Having someone to come in and take care of me like I'm a baby and do shit for me because I can't. And then you having to dump my fucking piss bag in the toilet because I'm fucking incapable."

Taking a deep breath in, I said with a humbled tone, "Everyone makes mistakes in life, but that doesn't mean that they have to pay for them for the rest of it.” I cup his cheek again and press my lips to his forehead. “Sometimes good people make bad choices, that doesn't mean that they are bad, it just means that they are human. It doesn't mean that their selfish for having to be taken care of in the aftermath of those mistakes.” I sighed again resting my forehead against his. I took both of his hands in mine and squeezed gently.

“You went through so much for me Mark, I don't blame you for doing what you did. You had to do all of this for us, and you couldn't even run to anyone and tell them, I'm sure that was difficult to deal with alone, and I honestly don't know how you put up with it for so long.” I licked my lips and pulled back to look him in the eye. I saw tears glistening on the brinks of those brown pools. “I would have probably done the same thing if I was in your shoes, especially after I walked out, knowing everything that was done, to see that the person you worked so hard to keep safe, leave. There was nothing you could do to change it. So, try not to be so hard on yourself. And I know that it's easier said than done."

I press my lips to his one last time. “What happened between us is in the past now. I want to move on from it, with you by my side.”

He sobbed against my lips and I pulled back to see the dams break and tears stream down his reddening cheeks. "If I would have just gone with my gut... I would have never had to betray you in the first place, and I wouldn't be an incapable piece of shit right now." He choked on his words, entire face tensing with pain that wasn’t just physical.

I lost it at his tears. "YOU'RE NOT A PEICE OF SHIT MARK, SO DONT SAY THAT!" Tears were burning at the edge of my eyes as well. I let go of his hands, standing up. I was so frustrated that he couldn't see things from my point of view. I swallowed the lump that was beginning to form in the back of my throat.

Taking a moment to collect my thoughts, I ran my fingers threw my hair and began to pace. I remembered everything that was said at the hospital. Unable to fight back the tears anymore, I began to say, "You are one of the strongest and bravest people I know.” My eyes travel to the far wall. Memories of past events dancing across my line of sight.

“Nobody would have done anything close to what you did for me. Every day, you have shown how kind and pure your heart is. How beautiful and lively your soul is. I’ve seen the beauty of the world through your eyes and in your presence, I find all the courage in the world to take on the fear I use to have." Sitting down on the edge of the bed again, I sighed and hung my head.

"You can't change the past Mark, so there's little reason to dwell on it. What's done is done and it's set in stone. We can't heal if we continue to live in that terrible past, and I _want_ to heal from all of it. I want to move on past what happened between us and I want to do it together. You could choose to dwell on it and make yourself miserable, but I won't." Getting up, I made my way to the other side of the bed, where I got under the covers, laid down. I grabbed his hand with a tad bit of aggression, scowling with determination and rested my head close to his. “And I will do everything in my power to make sure you don’t either.”  I said it with a finality that wasn’t just a promise to him but to myself as well. I clicked off the lamp and with his hand still in mine, quickly drifted off to sleep.


	14. Chapter 13

As I begun to wake up the next morning, I could hear the sound of my boyfriend’s beating heart underneath my left ear as arms held me close to his body. Slowly easing my right leg off of his, I tried working myself out of his grips without waking him.

Pulling it off with success, I eased myself off the bed and made my way over to his side of the bed to check his bag; seeing that it was fairly full I clamped the tube off and emptied the bag down the toilet, hooking it back up and unclamping the tube. I went to the bathroom to wash my hands and do my own business, before I made my way to the kitchen to put the coffee on. For the first time in a long time, I woke up feeling refreshed, like I actually got a well nights rest. I kind of felt bad for the way things ended last night, and I just wanted to make things up to Mark this morning by cooking him a good, hearty breakfast.

If he were to wake before his in-home care provider came he could just holler for me. Going over to the coffee maker, I pulled the empty coffee pot out before giving it a good hand washing. After rinsing it thoroughly, I filled it up with clean water before setting it down on the sink. Placing a new filter in I grabbed the can of Columbian brew and put two heaping scoops in. Then I poured the water into the reservoir and placed the coffee pot back onto it's hot plate. Then shut the lid and turned it on.

*

Just as I finished putting everything onto the tray I could hear Mark calling for me.

"I'll be there in just a moment." I answered out loud enough for him to hear me, putting a smile on.

Grabbing the handles of the tray, I made my way carefully to the room. Upon entering I could see a just awaken Mark; his messy hair strewn all over the pillow as his left hand lay flat on the cover that still covered his partially naked body while his right arm lay across my side of the bed.

"Good morning, my love." Mark grumbled out, voice sleep clogged.

"Good morning, babe." Setting the tray on the nightstand, I walked over to his side of the bed, "Are you ready to sit up?"

"Yeah. Where's Evelynn?" He inquired while I helped him sit up, propping the pillows behind his back to ensure he stayed up while he ate.

I picked up the tray, taking it over to him I said, "She called not too long ago, she's going to be late today. Her car crapped out on her and she has to wait for her brother to pick her up and drop her off here. She should be here within half an hour." I smiled at him, giving him a chaste kiss on his forehead.

"You didn't have to make me breakfast.” He gingerly adjusts the tray. He let out an exasperated sound. “AND coffee?! You're spoiling me!" He said giving me a kiss on the cheek in return.

Sitting at the end of his side of the bed, I looked over to him, "I felt bad about how things ended last night.” I rubbed the back of my neck looking down. “I felt bad for yelling at you. I know that things aren't easy for you. And with me not getting hardly any sleep the night before, it just had me so wound up that I kind of exploded on you, and I don't want to do that. We promised each other in the hospital to work together through our differences, problems and frustrations."

I let out a frustrated sigh, angry at myself for being so brash. Mark chuckled in response. "If I can recall, a handsome man once told me 'Everyone makes mistakes in life, but that doesn't mean that they have to pay for them for the rest of their life.'” I looked over to him to see a small but genuine smile. I couldn’t help but smile back.

“I'm not going to sit here and hold something so small against you. Being human is to emote, and…” He sighed, “Sometimes we hurt those we love the most.” He took my hand. “As long as we are willing to work together and work to better ourselves, that's the only thing that matters to me." He kissed my knuckles, making me giggle, before finally picking up his cutlery and digging in.

Hearing the doorbell chime, I got up, "Enjoy your breakfast love. I'm going to see who's at the door." Heading out to the living room, I peeked through the peephole seeing Evelynn, I opened the door letting her in.

"Sorry I'm late." She said apologetically.

"Hey, no worries.” I closed the door behind her and smiled. “Thank you for calling and letting me know. Mark is just now eating his breakfast so you can sit and relax until he's done."

*

After sitting on the couch and chatting with Evelynn for a little while Mark called out, saying he was done; Evelynn and myself got off the couch and headed back to the bedroom.

"Good morning Mark. How are you doing today?"

"Ah! Evelynn, it's nice to see you again. I'm doing well this morning, how about yourself?"

"I'm ok, just a little stressed out is all." She responded as she and I moved Mark over to his chair.

"What's got you stressed? Sit down on the bed and talk to us." Mark asked, gesturing to the muzzled sheets.

After we got Mark in his chair, Evelynn hesitantly sat down on the corner of the bed, folding her hands, and began to twittle with her thumbs. She took a deep breath in, "After returning home for a little while yesterday, I had to run to the store to pick up something that I was missing for dinner, and when I went to leave the engine made this horrible noise and wouldn’t start. I had my uncle, who's a mechanic come over and look at it. He told me that the entire engine had cracked and the only way to get it to run again was buying a brand-new engine, and that's just not possible, I don't have that sort of money." I can tell that it really bothered her that she didn't have her car anymore. Her hands were fidgeting something fierce, picking at her nails. “So, if I can’t even buy a new engine there’s no way I an afford to replace my car anytime soon either!”

Mark sat there quietly for a while, with a contemplative look, after a while he spoke, "You don't really have any other reliable transportation, do you?"

"Not really. I have my brother, but I can't rely on him to bring me here every day, specially not on time." She shrugged, lips pursed and eyes downcast.

Without saying a word Mark quickly wheeled himself out of the room, after a few moments his chair came buzzing back in, "Come with me Evelynn."

She got up from the corner of the bed and followed Mark with me trailing after. I was curious as to what Mark was thinking and if it was the same thing I was.

We all ended up in the garage; Mark was stopped in front of the spare car, the one we have rarely ever used. I knew exactly what he was doing and smiled in spite of myself.

"You can't do your job if you don’t have reliable transportation. Sean doesn't drive, and obviously I can't anymore. I can make it over to the DMV tomorrow after my doctor’s appointment, that way I can transfer ownership to you. I'm giving this to you out of the goodness of my heart, there's no need to pay me back. I know what it's like to have to rely on others for a ride,” He gave me a look and I nodded to him. “And it's one less thing you have to stress over." Mark held out the keys, smiling up at her and waiting for her to take them.

"Mark, I can't take this." she stood there, her hands to her chest.

"Why not?" Mark asked.

"Because I would feel bad." She looked away, her hands fidgeting and picking again.

"There's no reason to feel bad.” I came up behind her and put a comforting hand on her shoulder, smiling reassuringly. “It's literally just a dust collector at this point, it's been sitting so long. Please?"

"I... I don’t know what else to say other than thank you.” Her eyes were glistening ever so slightly. “This means the world to me. May I give you a hug?" Evelynn asked with her hands still clasped together on her chest.

"Of course." Mark answered with a smile.

Evelynn took a few steps closer to Mark and leaned down giving him a hug; after she came over to me and gave me one as well. "Thank you so much. I have absolutely no words to tell you just how grateful I am of this.

*

Evelynn left a while later in our car after we’d made plans for the next day to get the papers and ownership transferred over.

As we were getting ready to go to bed Mark began tickling me, it resulted in me laying on my back across his legs. As I came down from my laughing fit, I looked up and meet Mark's gaze, in that very moment the entire world stopped. Mark is the only person that holds a key to true living. I can't stop starring into his eyes and I would be lost in this world without him. He's the glow that lights my dark road.

Sitting up, I straddled his lap as I began to kiss him passionately. He makes me feel this unconditional, loving energy and makes me feel abundant, fulfilled, complete, joyful, peaceful and happy all at once. He radiates loving energy, and I never want to lose that again. _Ever again_.

Placing his hands underneath my shirt, his fingertips found the small of my back, while his thumbs held onto the hem of my shirt. He traced his fingertips along the length of my spine, bringing my shirt up and over my head, breaking our kiss for only a moment’s time.

Reaching down to Mark's hips, I grabbed his shirt and pulled it off of him as well breaking our kiss one more time. Placing his hands on the small of my back once more, Mark slipped them down under my pants grabbing my bare ass with a tight but loving grip. He pulled me closer to him.

Breaking from the kiss, Mark made his way to my neck, licking and gently nibbling at it.

My breathing became slightly hitched; nothing else in these moments mattered to us more than the connection that our souls were making. Moving his left hand from my ass to the side of my neck, pulling me close to his mouth as his nibbles became more passion fueled.

Slipping my arms behind his back, I began gently pushing my fingertips into his skin, causing him to break the suction of his mouth on my neck. He let out a deep, guttural, yet breathy moan as I did, it was something I haven't heard in a very, very long time.

Slowly closing his eyes and pulling me closer, Mark held me tight to his body. Bringing my head down to the crook of his neck, I draped my arms around his shoulders, pulling us downward to lay side by side on the mattress and closed my eyes as well.

"I will never let you go again, Sean." I heard Mark say before I drifted off to sleep.


	15. chapter 14

The feeling of fingers gently drifting across the length of my spine accompanied with a few giggles and gentle kisses on my cheek was enough to ease me awake.

"Baby, it’s time to wake up." Mark said softly.

"But I don't want to. Five more minute's daddy." I said, a smile slipped past my guard as I snuggled my face into the crook of his neck.

"I wish daddy could give you five more minutes, baby. But Tyler just called and told me he'll be here in 20 minutes to come finish helping me get ready to head to the Doctor’s. I promise when we get back, you can go back to bed." He said as he continued to run his fingers all over my back, giving me goosebumps.

"Alright, you gotta give me a few minutes, my legs..." I rolled off Mark onto my back, my legs flopping spread eagle unwillingly. I wanted to tell him that my legs were asleep, but I wasn't sure how he’d react.

"You didn't finish what you were saying. What were you saying about your legs?" Mark asked, pulling himself over to his stomach and into the space between my legs.

I was shocked back out of my thoughts. I wasn't sure how react, on top of the fact that I was slightly turned on by him being between my legs I licked my lips looking up at him. Mm.

I blinked rapidly. Ok, ok, I was fully turned on, with a raging hard-on.

"Cat got your tongue?" He asked in an almost aggressive and bold tone, that familiar smirk on his face.

"No, but it can if he wants too." I stuck out my tongue and wagged it at him playfully.

"This pussy would much rather get some tail right about now." Mark said, biting his lip, before lowering himself down nibbling the area right below a hickey he gave me last night.

My already erect member throbbed hard with this contact. Mark slipped his hand down between us, and got my pajamas undone and down with a single hand.

Reaching down I slid them down low enough that Mark was able to help me free my left leg out of my jeans. Feeling his grasp around my highly sensitive cock, I let out a moan no doubt getting Mark fired up.

His gentle and stationary nibbles became more aggressive and travelled all over my neck as he began to stroke me; I slowly began to graze his skin with my fingernails the more Mark stroked me, and each time I would his pace would quicken.

My subtle moans were full blown and driven by raw electric pleasure as I began to feel the pressure building inside. I knew I was close.

"Make me cum, daddy." I moan out.

Mark quicken his strokes as fast as he could, bringing me over the edge within moments. My body trembled as it still lay mostly under Mark's. He softly kissed the raw areas of my neck he had attacked in the flurry of passion, easing my trembles as well.

After kissing my neck, he pulled himself up enough to give me a longing kiss on the lips. As we continued to kiss, the bedroom door opened, causing us to stop and look.

Tyler said, "Hey Maaar… Ok, nevermind..." Then walked right back out of the room shutting the door behind him.

"Guess it's time for me to let you go?" Mark laughed out.

"Yeah I think it is." I flashed him a devilish and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before helping him roll over to his back. "I'll clean us in just a sec." Crawling off the bed, I took my right leg out of my pajama pants bringing them to the bathroom with me, tossing them in the hamper before getting a wet wipe off the back of the toilet I gave myself a quick wipe, cleaning off the cum that was on my stomach I tossed it in the bin before grabbing another and going to Mark.

Climbing onto the bed I made my way over to Mark, wiping him off. I threw the wipe in the bin before walking over to the bedroom door, cracking it open I said out to Tyler, "We're finished, I cleaned him up. Are you able to get him to his chair yourself or do you need my help?"

"Yeah, I can. It's just sliding him over and onto it right? Why, what's up?" He asked as he came up to the door.

"Well as I am still very clearly in my birthday suit I was going to take a quick shower before his appointment. You think you can handle it?" I looked up at him with a hopeful look.

"Yeah, I can. I promise he'll be alright." Tyler said with a gentle smile.

"Alright, give me a moment to get to the bathroom and then you can come in.” Shutting the bedroom door, I scampered over to the bathroom closing the door behind me with a modest slam.

"Alright Ty, he's in the bathroom." Mark hollered out.

Looking at the bathroom door, I made a mental note that it still needed to be fixed.

*

As we waited in Mark's doctor’s office, I was nervous to know what his plans were. I think I was more nervous to see if there had been any word on his surgery or not.

Within a few minutes he was called back. Following the nurse to the room, Mark and I waited for the doctor to come in.

Knocking on the door, Dr. Samson came in, "Good morning Mark. Sean. How are you doing this morning?" He asked as he shook our hands before taking a seat behind his desk.

"I'm doing fantastic this morning. How about yourself?" Mark said with a shit eating grin looking right at me. I fought off a blush, the smile implying more than it should.

"I'm doing quite well, especially with the news I have for you today! Are you ready to hear this?" The young doctor grinned.

"I'm all ears Doc." Mark said.

"Well I hope you're not getting too comfortable at home, because I have gather the top surgeons you need for your surgery and we are ready to do it the day after tomorrow."

"Are you serious?" Mark and I said in unison, our eyes wide in shock.

"Of course, I am. Are you ready?" He asked.

"YES! If I could, I would do it today!" Mark said before grabbing my hand and squeezing it.

"That's the spirit I like to see! I have to brief you today because you will need to arrive at the hospital tomorrow evening before your surgery, as it’s going to be first thing the next morning. This will be a very lengthy surgery, the team averaged it up with all the issues that you have, and it came out to be an estimated 10 - 14 hour surgery without complications." The doctor explained.

"Fourteen Hours?" My heart started racing at the implications, "Is that safe?"

"Yes, it's safe.” Dr. Samson reassured me. “Here's a little fact. From February 4th to February 8th, 1951 Gertrude Levandowski of Burnips, Mich., underwent a 96-hour procedure at a Chicago hospital to remove a giant ovarian cyst. It is believed to be the world's longest surgery. Levandowski weighed 616 pounds before the surgery and had a girth of 9 feet. If Mark lived through the accident, then I know he'll make it through this surgery Sean." With that kind of confidence, it was hard not to be calmed.

"Thank you Doctor. I will see you after the surgery?" Mark asked, his smile bright.

"You will see me right _before_ your surgery. I'll be on the team as well. See you soon Mark." Dr. Samson stood and waved before exiting the room.

Leaving the doctor’s office, I was both excited and scared. The fear overpowered my excitement as I couldn't stop thinking about how long the surgery was going to be.

*

When we got home, Mark rolled over to me on the couch, grabbed my hand, "What's wrong? You've been quiet since we left the doctor’s. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm just scared for you. That's a long surgery." I said in one breath.

"I know it is. I'm scared too baby. But I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life. If there is something out there that can possibly fix me, I'm willing to go through it. Every night I dream that I'm walking next to you again.” His thumb was tracing my knuckles. He brought them to his lips and kissed them, hard and long. “I'm willing to do this if it give me a chance to walk again. I can't go through the rest of my life being bound to this chair knowing that there was something that I could have done to give me my mobility back." He looked up at me squeezing my hand and covering both with his other.

There was a moment of pause as I take a deep breath to hold back more tears. Then I’m leaping up off the couch and wrapping my arms around Mark. No matter how brave Mark or I was, I was still scared to lose him. After everything that’s happen, it’s still too real of a possibility.

"Hey Tyler?" Mark asked over his shoulder at Tyler.

"Yeah?" he answered.

"Could you possibly help me get into the shower? Sean can wash me, but he can't get me in there by himself." Mark asked while he rubbed my back.

"I will need a little help getting underneath him is the only thing. So maybe once he's stripped of his clothes and we get him into the shower. Before you sit him down, hold him under the arms while he holds onto you and I'll wash him really good and rinse him before you sit him on his shower chair. And once we’re done can you help get him to the bed?" I explain to him as I sat back down onto the couch.

"Yeah, I don't mind helping out. I'm ready whenever you guys are." Tyler, always willing and ready to help out if we needed him. I was so grateful that he was, because if it wasn't for him 90% of the stuff wouldn't have been done before Mark came home.

"Well, it is getting kind of late so I'm ready now. I know Sean still has to pack up my stuff for tomorrow. So, I'd rather just get me done and over with, so he isn't rushing last minute to get everything done." Mark said almost shamefully.

"Alright, let’s do this." Tyler said, hopping up off the other couch.

Tyler and I followed Mark into the bathroom where I took off Mark's shirt, tossing it towards the hamper. "Alright Tyler, I need you to lift him up under his arms, so I can get his bottom's off."

Tyler walked in front of Mark, grabbing him in almost a bear hug under his arms. I waited for Mark to place his arms around Tyler's shoulders and give me the go ahead. "Ok, take ‘em off babe."

With the space that was between Mark and Tyler, I reached my hands forward, undoing the button, and pulling down the zipper. I stuck my index and middle finger underneath the waistbands of both his jeans and boxer briefs before slipping them down underneath Mark's ass. This allowed Tyler to set him back down for a moment.

I made sure to be careful when pulling Mark's pants and boxers down the rest of the way. I didn't want to accidentally snag the catheter.

After pulling Mark's bottoms down successfully to his ankles, I firmly grabbed Mark's left calf, lifting it up allowing me to slip off his loafer, along with his bottoms. Then I switched to his right leg. I clamped the catheter tube off before detaching the bag and dumping it out, going back over to Mark I fished the extra tubing out of the right pant leg before reattaching the bag and unclamping the tube.

"You ready to get him to the shower Ty?" I asked as I finished washing up my hands before stripping of just my jeans and going to the back of the shower, slipping the portable showerhead down and pointing it down, I turned the water to be the perfect temperature; not too hot and not too cold.

"Yup. Are you ready Mark?" Tyler asked as he quickly emptied the pockets of his cargo shorts onto the lid of the hamper.

"Yeah." There was an uneasiness to his voice, but his nod was confident.

Tyler picked Mark up in the same bear hug as he did earlier and brought him over to the shower. Leaning over the shower chair I spread Mark's legs just enough to allow me to be able to wash everything.

Getting a washrag wet and lathered up with soap, I brought the showerhead closer to the small of Mark's back, trying to avoid getting Tyler wet as much. I brought it around the front of Mark wetting his crotch as well.

Scrubbing Mark as quickly and thoroughly as I could front to back I rinsed him thoroughly, making sure there was absolutely no soap left on him. I let Tyler know he could set Mark down on the chair and to go sit on the bed until I was finished washing Mark.

After Tyler had left the bathroom, I had stepped out of the shower after slipping the showerhead back into the holder. I stripped off my clothes before stepping back in.

"I was wondering when you were going to strip." Mark said as he turned the upper half of his body towards me.

"Well I didn't want to make Tyler any more uncomfortable than what he probably was. Tip your head back please."

"I don't think it's as uncomfortable for him as you may think. He's one of my best friend’s baby." Mark said, leaning his head back.

Bringing the showerhead back down, I began getting Mark's hair wet, "You don't think him being in the shower with 2 naked men would have bothered him?" I asked as I handed him the showerhead to hold.

"He wouldn't have seen it as being anything sexual, so I highly doubt it would have bothered him." He said as I poured the axe gold 3 ‘n 1 into a little pile in the center of my hand.

Lathering the soap between my hands I began to work the lather into Mark's hair, giving him a gentle scalp massage as I did. "Can you point that up and towards me, so I can rinse my hands?"

Mark lifted the showerhead up over his shoulder holding it there until my hands were rinsed. Grabbing the showerhead from Mark I brought it up rinsing his hair.

As I did, Mark reached up with his right hand and placed it on my left cheek, rubbing the small patchy hairs of my beard with his thumb, "How long?" He asked gently.

"Today, after we got back from the doctor’s. I've ruined the underneath as well." I said submissively, subconsciously lifting the tips of my fingers, stopping just before brushing them over the destroyed follicles. I cringe, remember plucking and pulling, not even really realizing what I was doing, just needing something to calm me down.

"I know things aren't easy, but it's out of our hands now. I promise tomorrow before I go, I'll fix it up for you." Mark gave me a smile before I finished up with him. Turning off the water, I stepped out, quickly and drying off, hiding my frown before slipping my boxers back on, "Hey Ty?" I called out.

"Yeah?" he answered walking through the door.

"Are you ready to take him to the bed?"

"Just give me the word."

"Give me minute." Turning on Mark's chair, I rolled it out and to the spot next to the bed, plugged it in before pulling the covers down, "Alright Ty."

Within a few moments, Tyler had carried Mark from the bathroom to the bed, laying him onto the towel I had just laid down. "Do you guys need anything else before I go?" Tyler asked as he headed to the bathroom, no doubt grabbing his stuff off the top of the hamper.

"I think we're good Ty. Just lock up before heading out." Mark said.

"Alright, no problem. See ya tomorrow Mark." Tyler said before heading out.

*

After drying Mark off, getting a clean pair of boxer briefs on him, I packed his bag to take with him to the hospital. I placed it behind the bedroom door when I was done.

Going over to the bed, I climbed under the covers next to Mark. Shamefully placing my head on his chest, I snuggled as close to him as I could get.

"You're ashamed of me, aren't you?" I asked, trying to choke back tears.

"Why would I ever be ashamed of you, Sean?" He turned towards me as much as he could.

"Because I've been pulling at it again." I wiped the tears forming in my eyes.

"That's no reason for me to be ashamed of you Sean. I know it’s something you struggle with as it is. So, I have no place to put you down just because you had a bad episode. I want to trim it up for you, so you can stress less on it." Mark comforted me as he laid back down, pulling me closer to him once again.

He gave me a kiss on my forehead. "Sleep love. Today is the end of a chapter, tomorrow is the start of a new one. It’s a long journey for the both of us. I love you Sean."

"I love you too Mark." Closing our eyes, we fell asleep.


	16. Chapter 15

Waking up the next morning to the doorbell dinging, I crawled out of bed and headed to the door. I looked through the peephole and saw Evelynn. Unlocking the door, I let her in. "Good morning Evelynn." I said, still half asleep.

"Oops did I wake you?" she asked, stepping in all the way.

"It's alright. I needed to get up anyways and make sure I have everything pack in Mark's bags." I said rubbing my eyes and giving her a tired smile.

I could see the look of confusion on her face, so I clear up the confusion, "Mark is going back to the hospital tonight because they are going to do surgery tomorrow morning. Dr. Samson briefed us on it yesterday when we were there. We’ve also has the paperwork for the car, I'll make sure you get it before he has to leave. I'm going to go wake him up really quick."

 Shuffling my feet back towards the bedroom, I rubbed my eyes and yawned as I crawled onto the bed, I placed my head on Mark's chest. As soon as I did, a smile began to form.

"Good morning my love." His deep morning voice rumbled in my ear as he reached up, stroking my hair with his hands.

"Good morning babe." I said sitting up, giving him a kiss. "Sorry for the morning breath."

"Mark, how long have we been together now?" I asked sitting up completely, rolling my eyes and folding my arms together.

"Three, almost 4 years now." He answered sheepishly.

"Then do you honestly think your morning breath bothers me?" I asked gently laying on his chest again.

"I don't think it does because you've been sitting here letting me breath all in your face and it hasn't melted yet." Mark laughed out.

"Fuck you Mark." I said getting up and off the bed.

"I'd much rather you fuck me." He smirked.

"Not now. Evelynn is here, I don't want to rob her of her innocents." I smiled, walking over to him, I gave him a longing kiss. He reached up, placing his right hand on my left cheek. After we pulled out of the kiss, Mark said, “As soon as I get to my chair, I'll take care of that for you. I'll treat you with the straight razor."

*

After Evelynn and I got Mark in his chair, Mark had me get his straight razor case from the top of the medicine cabinet in our bathroom along with a cotton cloth and a small bowl of water to clean the grit and other impurities off the freshly sharpened razor.

Mark had pulled up on the side of the couch that didn't have an arm rest, his legs touching the side of the couch. He told me to lay with my head on his legs.

We made sure his legs weren’t going to move by placing an exercise band around his thighs. "Evelynn, since you have a career in the medical field and you specialize in home care service; I want to show you something that may come in handy. As you may have an older male client who isn't able to do this, but he prefers being shaved with a straight razor." I was a little anxious with being the subject of this show, because of my insecurities about my patches.

Mark tilted my head so that my patchy side faced up, squirted a little bit of shaving cream onto my skin before rubbing it into a rich lather; he rinsed his fingers in the bowl before grabbing the razor. "Sean has always had troubles growing beard hairs in certain spots that his beard usually grows in really patchy on the sides.” He smiled. It wasn’t exactly a lie.

“There are times that it will all grow in, but its less so than it is often. So, when using a straight razor what you're going to want to do is pull the skin as taught as it will go without hurting your client.” He did the practiced motion as he spoke, “Then at a 45-degree angle is what you want to have the razor at when shaving.”

There was a scratching noise as the raiser did it’s work as Mark continued to explain. “That's not a harsh set angle, you have a little room to find what is comfortable for the both of you.”

Mark did this a few more times, shaving and cleaning the razor has he went. “It's pretty simple after that, gently glide it across the stubble." Closing my eyes, I let out a heavy and relaxed sigh. I felt at ease for a moment. Every time Mark straightened my beard I was at ease.

After he was done, he wiped off the excess shaving cream off my cheek gently with a warm towel. His thumb lightly caressed the scar on my cheek. I could hear a barely audible gasp come from him. Looking up at him I could see the remorse on his face.

After a moment he slowly turned my head the other way, and repeated everything he just did, before also doing underneath my chin. Clearing his throat as he helped sit me up he said with a mumble, "Go ahead and rinse your face of babe. I got most of the cream off, but there is some stuck in the hairs."

*

As I walked back to the living room, I stopped halfway out the hall, where neither of them could see me when I heard Evelynn ask Mark something. "Mark, If I may ask. How did Sean get that scar on his cheek?"

Mark sat in silence for quite some time before answering hesitantly, "I-I came home drunk. He told me that he was ending our relationship. Moving back to Ireland, and everything. I just snapped after that. I followed him to the bathroom and pinned him to the sink.”

Mark blinked rapidly, tears forming again from the memory. “But it-it wasn't him. When he tried to get away, I slammed him down to the bathroom sink. I didn't realize what I had done until the next morning when I had to kick down the bathroom door to get to him. He was passed out in the shower, freezing cold water still running. He was so pale, I was almost certain that he was dead when I saw him. When I felt that he still had a pulse, I felt a bit of relief, but I was still filled with so much guilt."

"Is- is that the reason you're in the situation with the wheelchair?" Evelynn asked cautiously.

Mark nodded somberly. "It is partially that. When I came back, saw that he had packed his clothes, and after reading the letter he left on my pillow, it drove me to drink myself to sleep every night. One night I was just so tired of the emptiness that I downed an entire bottle of vodka and made my way to the cliff where I decided to take my life.”

He shook his head. “I obviously, and miraculously, survived somehow. I still feel that guilt of surviving, but on the other hand, I'm glad that I did. It gave me an opportunity to tell Sean why my behavior changed so erratically on him."

Taking a deep breath in, I walked back into the living room. I walked over to Mark and put my hand on his shoulder. Turning towards me, Mark looked up and there was a sparkle in his eyes. "Hey babe! How do you like it?" He asked as he rubbed his stubbly cheek gently across the back of my hand.

"Love it as usual baby." I smiled before leaning over and giving him a peck on the lips.

*

As Mark checked in at the front desk of the hospital, I found it hard not to get a little upset.

"Alright Sir, you're all checked in.” The receptionist smiled. “What you’re going to want to do is go straight down the hall to the elevators, then you’re going to want to take it up to the 6th floor. Take it to the receptionist, Valerie, off to the right of the elevator doors, and she'll get you set up there. Have a good one."

Mark and I held hands as we followed Tyler to the elevators, the area surrounding us was heavy and tense. Even though they had high hopes that things were going to go as planned, we knew there were heavy complications that were to come if things went haywire.

Tyler pushed the button to call the elevator, which opened immediately after. We all piled in as Tyler hit the button indicating the 6th floor.

With my back against the side of the elevator, I stood there quietly. Mark must have noticed because he gave me a firm squeeze on my hand, "Hey are you alright?"

"I just have a lot on my mind.” I said with a exhausted breath. “I'm scared that things aren't going to go right. I fucking hate seeing you in the pain that you're in now. I don't know what I'll do if it gets any worse."

Mark lowers his head in thought. "There hasn't been much time for us to really sit and catch our breaths lately. For that I'm sorry, babe. But I swear that when all of this is done and over with we’ll go away for a while, just the two if us.” He smiled widely up at me. “We can be gone for as long as you want too! But baby, I’ve got to do this. I'm scared doing this too. I'm fucking terrified! But if this is going to give me a chance to walk again, I'll take it."

*MARK’S FLASHBACK*

Throwing my thick scarf over my nose and mouth after pulling my beanie down, I tried the best to hide myself from those around me, I didn't want anyone noticing me, I just wanted today to special. It was the day Sean arriving and start our lives living together. I was so excited to be able to have him in my arms for good.

No more waking up with him not in my arms, no more distance. I was so excited it felt like my heart could pump out of my chest any second and start trying to run to the plane that was still in the air. I stared out the windows anxiously watching each plane pulling in or leave, getting more and more anxious as the more planes landed.

Turning the screen of my phone on I stared down at it smiling ear to ear at my background of Sean with pink flower tucked gently under his beanie. I felt like I was the luckiest man on the planet right now. As I felt a light tap on my left shoulder, I locked my phone quickly before turning around, "Excuse me Sir, I was hoping that maybe I could get you to help me figure something out." A muffled yet distinguishable voice said from under a massive scarf.

Even if I couldn't see what his face looked like under the scarf, his eyes were a dead giveaway. Saying not a word, Sean charged at me. He knocked me down flat on my back with him laying on top of me. Through the muffled sobs I could hear him say, "I'm so fucking happy to see you Mark." Laying there rubbing his back through the massive jackets, just taking in everything in. I didn't care if people were staring at us. As long as we were unnoticeable, I could lay here all day with him on top of me.

"I have missed you so fucking much." I said, wrapping my arms around him giving him a proper hug. Sean struggled to get off me but was eventually successful. I couldn't stop smiling, I felt like all of this was a dream. Even if it was, I hoped to never wake up from it. It was too good to end. Quickly getting to my feet, I grabbed his hand and we headed to baggage claim. "Did You have a good flight?" I asked, intertwining our fingers together.

Pulling down his beanie with his free hand, "It was nerve racking. You'd think that after all the time's I've done this same flight, I would have somewhat gotten used to it. Anywho, it was alright, not very much turbulent, which I was surprised."

"I bet you’re just glad to be on ground again?" I let go of his hand. I grabbed both of his suitcases while he grabbed his duffle bag.

"Without question. But I'm more excited for something else." He said as we headed out of the airport and to my car.

"What else are you excited for?" I asked as I unlocked the trunk with my key.

"You'll have to wait and see." There was a devious tone in his voice as he tossed his bag into the trunk and walked to the driver's side of the car.

"Oh, come on, you can't do that to me!" I said, shutting the trunk and walking over to him. I grabbed his hand, walking him over to the passenger’s side. I unlocked the door and opened it for him. "You were on the wrong side my love."

I could tell he was a little embarrassed as the apples of his cheeks that shown over his scarf turned a bright red as he sat down. I walked back over to the driver’s side opening the door. I got in and headed home.

As we pulled into the driveway, I pushed the button on the garage door opener. Then waited for it to fully open before pulling in and turning the car off. Taking off my beanie, I carelessly tossed it onto the dash before pulling my scarf off, doing the same. I quickly turned towards Sean, who was unwrapping his scarf from his neck. I waited until I saw his cheek, "Don't come in yet, wait here until I come back."

As his face appeared, I leaned and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before getting out of the car. I opened the trunk, grabbed out all his bags and took them straight into the bedroom. Laying them down right in front of the closet, I headed to garage again.

Walking over to Sean, I said, "I have a surprise for you, but you HAVE to put this on." I pulled out a blindfold out of my pocket.

Taking a deep breath in, Sean grabbed the blindfold and put it over his eyes, "I trust you enough to not have me run into anything." He said, sticking out his hand.

Grabbing it, I assured him that I wouldn't. "I promise not to run anything into you unless you want me too." I could hear him make grunt and then clear his throat, putting a massive smile on my face. I led him out of the garage. I walked him to the center of the living room facing the kitchen.

"Before you take that off, I want to do something." I said, walking to the front of him. I stripped him off all his jackets, leaving his sweater on him. I laid them over the back of the couch before standing behind him, "Are you ready?" I asked nervously.

"Yes I am." Sean said.

"Alright, take it off."

Putting his hands up to the blindfold, Sean slipped it off and gasped. Strung across the kitchen was a banner with the words 'Welcome Home'. Below on the kitchen table there was an arrangement with flowers and chocolate.

"I'm not sure if you’re hungry, but I made dinner before I got you. I kept it in the oven to keep it warm. Welcome to the start of our life together, my love." I hugged him from behind, feeling all the tension of the day melt away.

Sean turned towards me, still in my arms. I could see tears running down his cheeks. I put my hand up to his cheek wiping away the tears as I smiled, "Welcome to the beginning of a beautiful journey together, my love."

As I leaned closer to him to give him a soft kiss, I was quickly able to tell what cologne he had on. Notes of iris, lemon, followed by hints of violet, finishing off with a strong sent of Ambergris & Mysore Sandalwood. It was my Green Irish Tweed cologne I gifted him before he left from our last visit. What was meant to be an innocent kiss, ended up becoming an intense and rapid make out session resulting at the both of us tugging at each other's clothes.

After a few intense moments, Sean broke from the kiss, leaning over to my ear and whispered, "Want to take this to the bedroom?" Before gently biting on my ear lobe. Rolling my eyes back, I placed my hands on his ass cheeks before lifting him up. His legs wrapping around my waist as I carried him to the bedroom.

Once we made it to the bed room, my legs touching the bed, I placed Sean's ass on the edge before breaking free and quickly stripping of all my clothes. Eagerly I watched him do the same.

As Sean stood up from taking his pants off, I had to take a moment to appreciate this moment. "Is-is there something wrong?' Sean asked hesitantly as he began to cover himself. Stepping close to him I stopped him from covering up, "There is nothing wrong. I just had to appreciate the raw beauty of you."

Sean's cheeks became bright red as a subtle smile formed. Gently grabbing his chin with my thumb and index, I lifted his face towards mine, kissing his soft lips once again. Placing my right hand at the nape of his neck, I moved my left hand to the small of his back, helping to lower him to the bed.

*

I placed my left hand on the back of Sean's thigh, wrapping my right hand around my shaft. I placed the head of my cock at Sean's entrance, before easing myself in slowly. His hands gripped the comforter next to my legs. His head tilted back slightly buried in the pillow. I listened to his voice queues as I continued pushing the rest of my length all the way in.

Lowering myself down onto my elbows, I turned my wrists to grab Sean's shoulders, lowering my mouth to his Adam's apple. I ran my tongue in circles around it a few times before placing my mouth around the same area. As I continued to thrust shallowly, I could feel the vibrations of Sean's rhythmic grunting on my lips as they grew into a mixture of heavy breathing and moans.

Moving his right hand to the back of my head, he grabbed a fist full of hair and began tugging on it while his left was placed between my shoulder blades. My shallow thrusts had become more passion driven by Sean's loud moans into deep thrusts. Sean began to dig his nails into my back, screaming out, "I'm going to cum!"

"Cum for me baby." I said thrusting as hard and fast as I could.......

*End Mark's flashback*

"Mark." I said gently placing my hand on his. It was pretty weird to see Mark laying on his stomach on the hospital bed. The scariest part of this was over, now the anticipation of seeing if it worked was now on the table.

"Hey." He whispered as he smiled, unable to keep his eyes open for longer than a few seconds at a time.

"Hey." I leaned over giving him a kiss.

"I had the best dream about us." Mark said, the smile still on his face.

"Oh really? What was it?" I was curious.

"It was the day you arrived to move in with me. I remembered everything about it, like it just happened yesterday. You were wearing my cologne I gave you before you went home from the visit before. I remembered you walking up and surprising me. Then you tackling me down on the ground. The tears that fell after seeing the banner..." Mark cut off as he fell back to sleep.

'He remembered the best moment of my life.'

With a massive smile on my face, I sat back in the chair trying to get as comfortable as possible before grabbing my phone and sending out a group text to Tyler, Ethan, Kat, and Signe: _Mark's out of surgery and is resting. I'll update as soon as possible._

**

As the doctor was filing out some paperwork, I gently placed my hand on the back of Mark's leg.

"Who's touching my leg?" Mark asked.

Before anyone could say anything, Dr. Samson rushed over to Mark and I moved out of the way. Placing his hands on Mark's back he said, "Mark, can you feel this?"

"No." Mark answered.

"Ok. That's actually good, what about here?" He asked moving his hands a little lower.

"Yes."

Dr. Samson continued to press on Mark's legs all the way down and back up the other one. "This is excellent!" Dr. Sam exclaimed, before making haste leaving the room.


	17. Chapter 16

Because of how quickly Dr. Samson had left the room, it made me think about all the different possibilities as to why. I obviously wasn't going to know for sure until he comes back, so I did my best to push the questions to the back of my mind. For the next few hours after that, Mark and I chatted about a lot of different things that we realized had changed over the last few months, and then Mark brought something up. "Baby, can I throw something out to you?" He asked. "Sure, go on ahead." I responded. "You know its been quite some time since either one of us did a video. I want you to get back to it. Maybe it would help be a distraction from the pulling and the stress for a little while? I know that you were doing really well before all this shit happened. And right now with everything that's been going on with me, it's the worst I've ever seen it. You don't have too, it's only a suggestion." He said lovingly as he rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb.

I sat there and pondered for a while, trying to remember the last time I even tried recording, I responded, "I don't think I'm ready to go back babe. I have to be there for you at all times, if you need something..." Mark interjected, "Baby, I know that you want to do everything that I need, but that's why Evelynn is there. She's there to help me too Sean, it's kind of her job. Look, I know where your heart is; but you don't need to continue to feel so guilty for everything that has happened, that you have put your own life on hold because of it, and have taken on the weight of the world. It's alright to stop and take some time for yourself, Sean. Please, if for no-one else, do it for me. I want to see you taking more time to yourself, and worrying less about me. I can tell it's taken a bigger toll on you than you may realize."

"But that's what I'm supposed to do Mark." I said with an exasperated exhale. "But your not supposed to stop doing for yourself in the meantime. How are you going to be there for me, if you continue to waste away like you are? You're always filling everyone else up, but never taking the time to stop for yourself. How can you keep being there for others if you cant even be there for yourself? Just please take a moment to stop and take care of yourself." He interjected once again, only this time it was very unsettling and almost distraught.

Stopping to take into consideration everything that Mark had just said, maybe he was right? Maybe I need to take some time for myself and focus on me... "I guess I'll have nothing better to do at home while you're still here." "You don't have to do it tonight, but I want you to start soon. I knew how happy you were back before all this shit happened." Mark's sentence trailed off for a moment, "Either way, I will always support you, and always will no matter what." Mark said as he gave me a reassuring squeeze to my hand, before bringing it up to his mouth and giving my knuckles a light kiss. 

The PA system chimed on and announced that visiting hours were now over and that all visitors had to leave. "Will you be here tomorrow?" Mark asked with big puppy dog eyes. "I will be here everyday until you can come home. I love you babe." I leaned over and gave Mark a kiss. "I love you too baby. See you tomorrow." Grabbing my backpack, I walked out of the room shutting the door behind me, I walked down the hallways to the elevator, as I texted Tyler asking him for a ride. upon entering the elevator and hitting the ground level button, my phone pinged with a text. Reading it, it was from Tyler, *Hey, I can't make it tonight, but I texted Ethan and he'll be able to come get you. Should be there within a few minutes.* I replied telling him I was sorry I was always having to rely on him for rides and I appreciated everything he was doing for the both of us.

Walking out of the elevator, out and down the short hallway I headed out the front doors, I waited at the front of the hospital for Ethan to show up. I always was upset every time I had to leave Mark behind at the hospital, even though I knew he was in the best care; I still couldn't help but worry. It sucked even worse that he still didn't have a instant way I could get in touch with him. ' Fuck I need to get him a new phone; maybe Ethan could take me tomorrow to the Apple store and surprise him before I see him tomorrow?' Being startled from my own thoughts, by a car horn honking, it made me jump back thinking I had accidentally walked out into the parking lot, looking up I saw a horrified Ethan coming to a stop in front of me; opening the passenger's door, I sat down, shut the door and buckled up.

"Dude, I'm so fucking sorry, I thought you heard me pulling up to you." Ethan said putting his hand on my left shoulder. "I wasn't paying any attention. But it's all good." I said as my heart still raced in my chest. "How's Mark doing?" Ethan inquired as he took the car out of park and begun to make his way to the driveway. "He's doing ok, a little sore, but that's to be expected. I'm sorry to bombard you the moment you get me, but I have a question, but its kind of a favor as well..." I was hesitant, I felt like a shit friend asking everyone for favors. "Shoot it my way bud." Ethan said as he pulled out of the driveway and headed to take me home. "I was wondering if you could maybe, possible take me to Apple tomorrow so I can get Mark a new phone, and then back to the house for a while so I can get it all set up before bringing me back to the hospital?" "You know what, I actually have to go there tomorrow anyways, so I can stop by and pick you up before hand. I can also take you to the hospital, but Kat, Pam, Tyler and myself have a double date tomorrow evening so you'll have to Uber home. Is that cool?" He asked as we sat there at a red light

"That's absolutely fine with me. So what time do you want to come get me by?" I asked watching the red light turn green. "Well you want me to pick you up and then bring you back home for a little while before taking you back to the hospital?" Ethan asked, making sure he had understood everything correctly. "If that's alright with you. I can give you some money for gas as well." I said as he shortly thereafter pulled up to the driveway of the house, I unbuckled my belt and grabbed my backpack from between my feet. "Don't worry about gas bud. Just be ready by 8. See you tomorrow." Getting out of the car I thanked him before shutting the door behind me, giving Ethan a wave as he pulled off.

Walking up to the front door, I unlocked the deadbolt and doorknob before opening the door; shutting the door and locking it behind me I headed to the room and began to strip of my day clothes. I knew that as soon as I got home I wanted to make it a early night. Setting my alarm for 7am, I plugged it into the charger before plopping down onto my stomach across the bed, my nose buried into Mark's side of the covers as I landed; taking a deep breath in, I smelt his scent and it made me instantly begin to miss him. "I just got him back home and now he's gone yet again." Closing my eye's I attempted to fall asleep for the night.

After a few hours of tossing and turning I eventually fell asleep, only to be awoken by my alarm a few hours later. Peeling my eyes open, my brows furrowed with the though of getting up, I actually contemplated getting up and out of bed for some time, that was until my phone began to ring. Letting out a heavy sigh, I rolled over to my back, sitting up I reached for my phone and looked to see who was calling me. Ethan's name and picture showed up on my caller ID, sliding to answer it, I put the phone up to my ear and answered, "Hey Ethan." I answered still very groggy.

"Hey, I'm calling to let you know I'm running a bit late. So instead of being there at 8, bank on it being closer to 9 if not a little later. I'll call when I'm there." he said in almost a rush. "Alright see you soon." Without any further conversation the both of us hung up. Scooting myself over to the edge of the bed, I placed my feet on the carpeted floor, dragging myself over to the closet, I opened it and rummaged thought the few clean pairs of pants I had left, 'I need to do my laundry one of these days.' I thought to myself as I rubbed the sleep out of the corner of my eyes. Shutting the closet doors again, I turned around and scouted the floor for my black skinny jeans; seeing them hanging off the doorknob of the bedroom door, I grabbed them, 'I have neglected my laundry for so long that I have worn these far too many times. But at least no-one has said anything, and they don't smell dirty. One more time wont hurt.' I convinced myself to wear them just one last day. Stepping into them, I noticed that they were a bit loose on me, 'They fit perfectly last week. Did I grab the right ones?' I scouted the entire room, and even looked through the hamper in the bathroom. Rubbing the back of my head, I shrugged my shoulders before grabbing a belt off of the dresser.

Looking at the mess I had just made, I said to myself, "If I gather laundry now it makes it one last task I have to do tonight for laundry; coffee first though, I need my dirty bean water." Making my way to the kitchen, I cleaned out the coffee maker before I made a fresh pot of coffee. Returning to the bedroom while the coffee brewed, I went around gathering all the laundry, putting it in the hamper and dragging it to the laundry room down in the basement when I was done. Walking back up and out of the basement, I took a deep breath in taking in the smell of the fresh brew, making my mouth water. Pouring my cup full, I brought it to my lips, taking a deep breath in of bitter, yet inviting smell I loved so much, I took a sip, gently warming myself up to the temperature.

Setting my cup down on the counter, I grabbed 2 piece of bread out of the bag, and threw them in the toaster; reaching up, I grabbed the honey out of the pantry right above the coffee maker, setting it down along side my cup of coffee before grabbing a clean plate out of the dishwasher. After the toast popped up, I set the plate down grabbed the 2 pieces of perfectly golden toast out of the toaster, quickly setting them down on the plate before giving them a good drizzle of honey. 

Taking my plate and cup to the dining room table I set them down before grabbing my phone out of my pocket and took a set. I wanted to text Bob, Wade and Thomas; I had an idea planned for when I got Mark's phone, and I wanted to see if they would be cool with it.

I sent the message to Bob and Wade first, *Hey guys! I have a bit of a idea / surprise for Mark. I'm going to get him a new phone today, and I was wondering if maybe after I get it set up, if you want to record him a personalized video message he can see when I take it to him in a few hours.*

I pondered for a bit as I took a bite out of my toast completely chewing it before taking a rather large drink of coffee to finish washing it down, on what I was going to send to Thomas; as I sat there thinking, I habitually ran the back of my index finger along my beard before stopping and pulling at the hairs on the under side of my chin. I stopped and made way with the text to Thomas. *Hey Thomas. I knew we haven't really spoken for a while, and I have to apologize for that. I'm going to get Mark a new phone today and I thought it would be nice if you and you're mom would maybe record him a message he could watch it when I go back to the hospital.*

Setting my phone down on the table I finished up with my toast and coffee; getting up from the seat, I pushed the chair back in, grabbing both the plate and cup, I took them to the sink, gave them a good rinse before hearing my phone ring. Turning off the water, I quickly dried my hands on the kitchen towel before walking over to the table and answering Ethan's call.

"Hello." I answer lightly. "Hey, I'm getting ready to pull up." Ethan said very rushed. "Alright, let me grab my stuff and lock up the house, I'll be out in a minute." I responded prior to hanging up my phone; as I grabbed my backpack off the couch, my keys off the hook before walking out and locking the door behind me. Walking down the walkway, and to the sidewalk I opened the passengers door, and got in. "Sorry I'm so late, I was having issues with one of my videos" Ethan said as he pulled away while I buckled my belt. "It's all good."

*

Ethan had parked in the front of the hospital, before getting out I pulled the baseball cap as low as I could; getting out, I had quickly made my way inside and to the check out desk. "How may I help you sir?" the brawny security guy asked. Feeling a little bit intimidated, I stuttered, "I'm here.... to visit.... someone." "What's their name?" He asked, his fingers readied on the keyboard in front of him. "Mark Fishbach." I said jittery. After a minute the small machine printed out a sticker with the hospital room, "Here you go." Grabbing the sticker quickly, I headed to the elevators and hit the up button.

Carefully opening the door to Mark's hospital room, I kept the phone box hidden behind my back with my left hand as I walked though the curtain. Mark had been sitting there eating his lunch when I walked through, looking up, he set his utensils down, wiped his mouth, "There's My handsome man!" he said as he smiled. "Hey baby, sorry I'm a little late, I had to run a few errands before I came, and had to do it on Ethan's schedule. I have something for you but you need to close your eyes and hold out your hands. No peaking."

Mark definitely looked confused, but he did as he was told, "I won't peak, I promise." As his hands sit flat in front of him, I brought my left hand in front of me and placed the box in his, "Okay, you can open them." Mark opened his eyes, and was shocked. "Baby, you didn't have too!" HE said holding out his hands for a hug; giving him a hug I said, "I wanted a way to instantly get in touch with you and not have to go though the bull of the hospital line. It's fully charged, and set up already, except for your fingerprint." I said watching Mark slip the top of the box off revealing the IPhone X in case and all. 

"Thank you so much Sean." Mark said giving me a big hug. "There's more. Go into your texts." I said with a soft smile, sitting at the end of the hospital bed. A curious look was on Marks face as he turned on and unlocked the phone before going into his messages. "Oh, it's a message video from Bob."   
Mark played the video from Bob *Hey there Mark, I'm glad that things went good with the surgery. I'm so sorry Mandy and I can't be there physically for you, we're always cheering you on! Can't wait for you to hit those major milestones bro! Love you man, Hope to see you soon.*

His lips puckers with a smile as he went onto the next video from Wade *It's been a while. I'm glad that your doing well man. We have all been keeping you in our thoughts and prayers and I'm so glad to see you pulled through. Keep up that fight Mark, you've got so much love and support backing you up, and were all anxious to see you on the road to recovery and to see you go far in your recovery.*

He let out a snicker before watching the last video; his mom,*Hello son. I'm so happy the surgery was a success. I always knew you were a fighter, and I'm glad your still fighting now. I'm so proud of how far you have come. I know that all of this is a struggle and very stressful, but that stress will be far behind you in due time, you won't even remember it; especially with not only the love and support from all of us back home, but for those that are there with you. Specially Sean, he's a good man Mark, and I couldn't have asked for a better person to walk along side you in this journey of life then him. You two are my world. I love you both so very much. Get well, and hope to see you soon.*

Mark began to sob after he finished watching the videos, moving closer on the bed next to him, he wrapped his arms tightly around me and continued to sob into my chest, "This is the best thing anyone could have given me Sean. You don't understand how much I needed this and appreciate this." "I wanted to do something that really meant a lot to you. I knew that bringing them here to see you would have been better, but the sometimes we don't get what we want. So I figured them sending you a sweet little message was second best thing I could do." This were silent between us as I ran my fingers through Mark's hair. After a while I spoke out softly "I also put some pictures on there for you as well. Just so you wouldn't have been stuck with the default backgrounds."

We were interrupted by the curtain separator being opened and Dr. Samson walking in. Mark turned his head towards him, "Hello Mark. How are you feeling today?" He asked as he sat down in the chair closest to the side of the bed, "I'm a little sore, but feeling really good." Mark answered after he sat up. "Good. Good. I just wanted to come in and give you a little update on what your plans are. So if your ready I'll tell you." Dr. Samson said as he set his IPad on his lap. "I'm ready whenever." Mark said clearing his throat.

"Alright, so the day after the staples come out, which will be in about 6 - 9 days we will start the more intense physical therapy, until then we will just have physical therapists come in and help you with just some simple leg bending exercises to start to loosen and relax your muscles. Then once you have your staples removed, during the times that you will be doing your sessions, you will be moved to the chair. Your feet will be strapped in a bicycle trainer, and they will help you cycle. This is all just simple stuff for the beginning sessions, then well see your progress after the 10 week mark and make adjustments from there. I do have to warn you, this is going to be a very long road to recovery, and only time will tell if you'll be able to go back to you're normal life prior to the accident. This isn't just going to be a few months of very vigorous work, it could take well over a year." 

After Dr. Samson was done, I cut in, "Hey Dr.?" He answered quick, "Yes?" I replied so impulsively I stuttered over my own words, "When will Mark be able to come back home?" "Unfortunately he wont be able to come until a week after the staples come out." I thanked him and nodded my head, before he continued. "Not a problem Sean. Now Mark we are going to have the nurses come in here after dinner, and do light bending. That will happen twice a day everyday; once after before breakfast then before dinner. And needs to be kept up even after you go home as well. We want to make sure we keep building up muscle strength in your legs and not loose any. Now is there any questions?" Dr. Samson asked as he placing his IPad underneath his arm after he stood from the chair. "Will it be painful. The physical therapy?" Mark asked hesitantly.

"It is very possible that it will hurt. Specially the first few sessions. Think about it, you haven't really moved any of these muscles in months, so they have lost a lot of the muscle mass and have stiffened up significantly. Now if at any time during the session it becomes too much let them know, they will stop and if you need it, give you some pain medication. Now, I have to say this. Sean had a talk with me and told me how bad you were the other night and how he had to basically force you to take the medicine. I don't want that to be the case with the physical therapy Mark. These next few days will be the worst and I don't want to see you trying to bare more than what you physically can. That's why it's there; it's there for when you need it. Don't think that I'm forcing you to do that, because that would be unprofessional; but with you being under my care, I want you to understand that I am here with nothing but the best intentions for you and I wouldn't suggest something that is going to hinder your progress. But if you allow it to get out of hand it could very well slow down the process of your progression, and none of us want that. We want to see you making lots of good progress. Alright?" Dr. Samson's voice was stern. "Alright." Mark answered with a nod. "Awesome. Is there any questions?" He asked as he stood up from the chair. "Yesterday when you were pressing on the different areas, the one that I said that I couldn't feel; you mentioned that it was good. How exactly was that good?" Mark asked. "That specific area that had no feeling in it was actually where the damaged nerves were removed from. So the fact that you had no feeling there when I pressed down on it told me that all damaged nerved had been successfully removed and that none of the surrounding nerves were too severely damaged. I'm sorry, but if you will pardon me, I have to check up on a few of my other patients. I'll be in with you when its time to get the bandages changed." Dr. Samson explained before rushing out of the room.


	18. Chapter 17

"Wow, I didn't realize that it could actually effect me like that." Mark said as he rubbed the back of his head. "Well if you think about it, you won't be able to so do any of the exercises if your in pain, and if you refuse the help it's going to have to wait until it subsides long enough for you to work again. And if they are only doing it twice, what if you are only able to do like 5 minutes for the first one, but your still too sore by the time for your second session?" I said as I tenderly glided my finger's across his legs. I could tell he was watching me as I did it, "I never thought," Mark stopped and cleared his throat before continuing, "I never thought I'd be able to feel your touch again." "What does it feel like?" I asked, turning my head towards him. "It's barely there but I can feel it; it feels sort of like a gentle breeze trailing across my legs, there's no real weight to your touch, more of a tender graze." He said with his eyes closed and a smile on his face.

"What if this is all that it will be and you can never go back to walking again?" I asked still caressing his legs. "Will you still love me the same?" He asked as his glistening brown gaze was fixed upon me. "Of course I would. This doesn't change how much I love you Mark. When we started dating, I devoted my all to you, and I will stay devoted to you until the day we part, weather that day be the day we mutually end the relationship, or until one of us passes on." I teared up as I spoke. The image of when I first saw Mark in the hospital laying there lifeless, on the ventilator popped up in my head, it was impossible for me to shake that image from my mind; so much so I was panicking. 

I felt like there was an elephant sitting on my chest, crushing the air right from my lungs, while hands clamped around my throat like a tightening vice, the only way I could breath was shallow hyperventilated gasps; my heart raced and thudded in my ears, only worsening by the second as my body was depriving itself of oxygen, my vision clouded by the tears that swelled in my eyes, I began to tremble. The reality of loosing Mark was once too close and real for me, it had now became a fear of mine. 

I could feel his arms embrace me, pulling me close to him, he pressed my ear against his chest; Mark softly stroked the back of my arms with the pads of his fingers while he ran his left hand through my hair, while she spoke slow and softly, "It's ok baby, just breathe. Everything is going to be fine, just keep breathing. Just lay there and listen to the sound of my voice and just keep breathing in and out no matter what. You will get past this. I know you can." I snuggled into Mark's chest once the attack was over, he gave me a kiss on the top of my head as I did. "Are you feeling better?" he asked after a while, placing his cheek on my forehead I mumbled out, "Much." before closing my eyes nestling as close to him as possible.

I must have fallen asleep on Mark because I could hear his voice rolling in his chest as he spoke with someone. Pulling my legs up closer to my chest, Mark placed his hand on my arm. "Finally awake baby?" He asked softly stroking my arm. "Barely. How long was I asleep for?" I sat up rubbing my eyes. "About an hour and a half." Mark said looking up at the clock that was mounted high up in the center of the room. Bringing my head up I was surprised to see that Ethan was here. "O-oh, hey Ethan. What happened with the date?" I asked curiously getting off the hospital bed. "Kat wasn't feeling the best; she's had a pretty bad migraine all day. So we had get a rain-check on the double date with Ty and Pam." Ethan looked a bit bummed, but that could have been the fact that Kat just wasn't feeling good.. "I'm sorry she wasn't feeling good Ethan. Hopefully you guys can take up that raincheck soon enough." I said taking a seat on the chair next to the hospital bed. There was a light knocking on the door before it opened, "I'm just here to drop off your dinner." The Hispanic woman said as she walked past the curtain carrying a food tray; walking over to the hospital bed she set the tray down before rolling it closer to Mark prior to leaving.

As Mark lifted the lid off the plate, the smell wafted into my nose making my stomach growl loudly, so much so Mark had turned his attention towards me. "Was that your stomach baby?" I let out a wound that I could have only describe as a laughing exhale without the laugh, "Uh, yeah. It was." I scratched at the back of my head. " When was the last time you ate?" He asked setting the lid back down in the tray before pushing the tray slightly away from him. Sitting there for a moment I had realized that I had eaten was this morning before Ethan picked me up. "Around 7:30 this morning." Looking over towards him I could see his eyes widen, "It's been almost 13 hours since you last ate?!" I couldn't bring myself to physically answer, so I shamefully nodded my head. "What was it that you ate?" He waited patently for an answer. "Two piece of wheat toast with some honey drizzle." I sat back in the seat chewing at the inside of my lip. "Sean, why haven't you eaten since then?! Two piece of toast is not enough to keep you going this long!" he had raised his voice a little. "I'm sorry! I was so busy with setting up your phone, that I forgot to get something to eat before we left home! I haven't really been hungry anyways." I wasn't exactly lying, but I wasn't  being completely honest with him either. 

"Ethan, Can you do me a favor?" He asked with his hands crossed at his chest eyes pieced onto me. "Sure thing bud. What is it?" Ethan asked as he hopped up from the seat and walked closer to Mark. "Ethan, I want you to go get Sean two slices of Hawaiian pizza." - "I know of a place like 5 minutes away that makes the best pizza. I'll be back shortly."  Ethan said as he headed out, leaving Mark and I alone. I knew that as soon as Ethan left Mark was going to give me a lecture. Hearing the door shut behind him, I brought my knees up, resting my heels on the edge of the chair as the rest of my foot hung over the side; I wrapped my arms around my legs, and rested my head on my knees. I could hear Mark letting out a long and heavy exhale in advance of speaking, "Look Sean. I'm starting to really worry about you. I feel like your slowly wasting away in front of me." He stammered as he continued, "I-I-I-I've never see you so, so thin. Is there something going on that you haven't told me about?" his voice was soft, and a bit strained, like this was a punch to his gut and he was still recovering from it.

'What exactly is he implicating? I wasn't anorexic or anything like that. I wasn't intentionally going long periods without eating. I mean I eat, it's just that i haven't had any real appetite lately.' Taking a breath in, "Why would I have any reason to lie to you Mark? I'm not hiding anything. I just don't have an appetite lately." I said wiping a stray tear from my eye. I tried my best not to feel beaten down, but it was so much easier said than done; I knew it wasn't Mark's desire to make me feel like this, but I have just been a nervous wreck lately that the smallest littlest critiques bothered me. I was glad that my face was behind my knees as I began to quietly shed tears.

The room fell too quiet for comfort making me feel even more defeated than what I had already felt, getting up from the chair I quickly made my way into the bathroom. Pulling the door shut with a little too much force it slammed behind me. Placing my back against the wall I slipped down onto the floor, grabbing the neckline of my shirt I pulled it up and over my face, wiping my tears as I drug the fabric back down and off my face; the slightly stretched out fabric laid against my collarbones once more.


	19. Chapter 18

I sat there for a significant amount of time before there was a knocking on the door. "Hey Sean?" Ethan's voice spoke through the door. Taking a breath in, I stood up and opened the door, as soon as I did I could see a clearly tired Ethan standing outside the bathroom door. I was hesitant on walking out, but I couldn't stay in there forever. Stepping out of the bathroom, I grabbed the small hot cardboard box from Ethan's hands, "Thank you." I said with a small sniffle. Walking back into the room, I saw that the food tray had been disrupted and moved. Taking a seat in the furthest Seat away from Mark, I set the box on my lap; taking a deep inhaling breath in, my stomach growled with the scents, so violently I hunched over the trash can and retched, but nothing came out. 'I just gave him more reason to bitch at me with that. Fucking great.' Opening the box I reluctantly picked up the smallest piece in the box; brining it up to my mouth, it salivated so much so I had to swallow. Taking a bite, I fought with my body to get it to stay down. As I got about halfway done with the first slice, I HAD to stop; if I took one more bite it wasn't going to stay down for long. Closing the box I submissively, and apprehensively looked over at Mark who was still clearly upset, he went back to focusing on the leg exercised the nurses were helping him do. "Hey Sean, it's getting a bit late, I wanna get back home to Kat." Ethan hinted. Standing up still clinching the box in my hands I walked next to Mark Leaning over the bed railing I gave him a hug and a kiss before grabbing my backpack and heading out.

The car ride back home with Ethan had been so uncomfortably silent that I was so glad to be home. I'm sure it was the fact that he was kind of thrown into the middle of that simply just by being there. As I lay there staring at the roof my phone buzzed on the night stand. Reaching over I picked it up and looked at it. Seeing that it was a multimedia message from Mark I picked it up and began to read it.

 **Mark:** _You left in such a rush I didn't get to tell you goodbye, goodnight or even that I love you. Look, I know you may think that I was making you feel worthless, but I wasn't. I'm just worried about you is all. I don't like seeing you like, this it really worries me baby. Seeing you dry heave so violently tonight, really concerned me. I know you wouldn't intentionally lie about that, maybe your just scare or afraid to tell me about it. I want you to stay home tomorrow and take care of yourself. I'm banning you from coming for a day. Run around the house naked, record a video, binge some TV, do something that you enjoy for once. I will be ok.. I love you Sean._

Placing my phone back on the dresser, I decided to get up, my mind was racing and I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep. Throwing on one of my shirts I made my way to the kitchen and grabbed out a bottle of Jack Daniels before heading to the living room. Plopping down on the couch I flipped on the tv and unscrewed the lid to the bottle before putting it up to my lips and taking a nice big swig. The alcohol burned as it went down, as it hit my stomach it slowly began to warm my body from the inside the more I drank. I was mad, and I didn't want to deal with the emotions. But honestly, who was I mad at in all this?

Was I mad at Mark for making these assumptions? Was I mad at myself for just abandoning my own health for so long? Or was mad at the fact that Mark had called attention to my little problem? Whichever it was, I wasn't going to spend the energy on it, specially the fact that I was 2 drinks in and already beginning to feel the effects of the booze. Leading back into the couch, I got relaxed and let the booze take over.

I was awaken by the door bell chiming, jolting up and off the couch the nearly empty bottle of jack Daniel's rolled off my lap and onto the floor, "Shite." I said a little slurred and clearly hung over. Answering the door after slowly making my way over to it, the light stung my eyes and made me wince; squinting, I was surprised to see Tyler, "Heeyo Ty. Co-come on in bud-dy." As I opened the door further I began to trip over my own feet, but thankfully the wall was there to catch me. "You alright Sean?" Tyler asked as he stepped in the door and slid his sunglasses onto the top of his head. Pushing the door closed once he was all the way in the house, I had said, "Yeah, I-I'm good. Ju-just hung-over or st-still quite drunk. Wh-what's up? W-why are you here?"

"Mark wanted me to bring him some actual clothes, he's getting tired of wearing the hospital gowns. It was a pain to get his doc to agree to allow him to wear them, but he eventually did." Tyler said as he crossed his arms. Nodding my head I slowly made my way to the bedroom in search for Mark clothes. Stopping at the closet, I scratched my head as I stared at the shirts and pants that hung in the closet, "Hey, uuh. Ty?" I crossed my arms which caused me to gently sway back and fourth; maybe what was a bad idea. Propping my hand up on the door jam of the closet and waited for Tyler to come to the room. "Yeah?" he said as he popped through the door way. "D-did Mark ask for, you know, anything sp-specif-fic?" I furrowed my eyebrows in a questionable manor while I scratched my head with my free hand.

"Mark didn't, but the Dr. mentioned more looser items like sweatpants and loose fitting shirts." Tyler said as he came over towards the closet, "Mind if I look?" he asked. "Sure go ahead, I'm just gonna lay down if thats cool with you?" I questioned as I made my way towards the bed and flopped down onto it. "Not a problem at all. You want me to lock the front door before I head out?" "Su-sure bud. I said closing my eyes. Tyler continued to look through the clothes while I began to fade in and out of consciousness. 


	22. update

Hello everyone, as you guessed it, this is a update on whats been going on with me. 

After all the hell I've been through in these last few months, I'm happy to say that we are _**FINALLY**_   stable; we finally have a roof over our heads!

We've been where we are since the first week-ish (give or take some time) of December and we have just been kind of appreciating it and enjoying being in a place where we're not being mentally abused, yelled at over nothing or being treated like shit.

For those that have kept us in their thoughts and prayers I want to say thank you so very much!

 

Now as far as ther writing goes, I am completely rewriting a few chapters that I have previously written because I wasnt happy with how they flowed with the story; I honestly felt they clashed in a bad way and thats not what I want for the story. 

I will do my best to try and get chapters up as soon as I can, no promises, but I want to aim for maybe once every 2 - 3 weeks. I honestly want to get this story really up and running again.


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